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Hell, I’m the perfect example of that. My parents were too busy hating each other during my teenage years to be a family. By the time they divorced and were mentally available to take part in my life again, my mom was killed in a hit and run. Dad hung around for about a year before letting me know he’d met someone, and he was marrying her and starting over. It was the last time my dad checked in on me.
Playdate Noah: How about we call it even?
I sigh.
Logan: If you’re sure you don’t hate me, I can live with that.
Playdate Noah: I’m sure.
Our conversation fades away naturally. I brush my teeth, more than eager to end this train wreck of a day.
Playdate Noah: I’m taking Rainey to an indoor water park tomorrow. It’s only about an hour away. You and Maggie are welcome to join us.
I’m broke with an undrivable vehicle. A water park trip is out of the question.
Logan: Can’t make it tomorrow, but it looks like the weather should be good Sunday. Reservoir park date?
Realizing I didn’t sayplaydateI fire off a correction.
Playdate Noah: Sure.
Maggie wants to spend Saturday morning at the farm with her great uncle. I’m relieved when Rufus offers to pick her up, buying me a few more days before I’ll need to explain my missing vehicle. She’s overjoyed when she hops in his truck, and I’m miserable knowing she’s missing out on a water park adventure I can’t afford.
I try to relax and enjoy the morning I have to myself, but I’m stalked by thoughts of having to call my landlord and explain I can’t pay my rent, letting down the man who took a chance on me. Mr. Brady has been overly kind, and I hate putting him in a situation with a vacancy only a month after I moved in. I have to make the tough call soon. I don’t have the cash now, but Iwillpay him the month of rent he’ll lose along with the second half of my deposit. It’s only right.
Before I pick up the phone, I need to determine my next move. There doesn’t seem to be any other option except admitting to Claire and Rufus I failed and I need help. They’ll welcome us back into their home—that won’t be an issue—but my pride is busted, bruised, and scabbed over from this disastrous attempt to leave their nest.
I promise myself to have the conversation with my family when they drop Maggie off, but I chicken out. The discussion with my landlord can’t wait though, and I add a reminder in my calendar app to call him first thing Monday morning. I can’t bear the thought of ruining what’s left of his weekend with my bad news. I have to face the facts: there’s no way to stay here without a job or asking my aunt and uncle for help. With my job search drier than ever, I resign myself to moving back to the farm.
Chapter 18
Noah
Rainey’sdramaticsquealandthewhoopingsounds she made when we arrived at the water park will forever be engraved in my memory—and my eardrums. I kept our destination a surprise and managed to pull it off. A combination of delight and shock burst onto her face when she realized where we were. She remained wide-eyed the entire day. The success of our day is apparent when I have to practically carry her back to my car, as she stumbles over herself from the exhaustion only a full day in the water can provide. We’ll be returning for a weekend stay in the future.
Rainey rebounds brilliantly Sunday morning, with the boundless energy of a child that every adult I know would pay good money for.
“Noah? Are we seeing Maggie today?”
In the last few weeks, Rainey dropped theAuntpart of the name I’d grown accustomed to hearing.
“Yep, we’re meeting Maggie and her dad later.”
“Awesome,” she exclaims, jumping off the barstool where she’d been finishing her bowl of cereal.
Logan’s ‘mom’ joke caught me off guard Friday night. Beyond Logan’s aunt and uncle, who he dotes on adoringly, we’ve not spoken about our family histories. Much like Logan waiting for the right opportunity to mention Hannah’s death, my deceased mother and the deadbeat dad who skipped town right after Dunbar’s birth, aren’t desirable conversation starters.
Looking back over our text exchange I understand my deadpan response to his joke created his spiral of self-loathing. I’ve been told my sense of humor can be hard to read, which I don’t understand, but the delivery by text probably didn’t help. I only had a few years with my mother before she passed, and those memories are few and fuzzy. I’ll give Logan the apology he deserves when I see him today.
Secretly, I’d hoped Logan wouldn’t answer my calls and texts on Friday night. It would’ve been a golden excuse to barge into his apartment. Last weekend’s encounter still fresh on my mind, I’ve daydreamed more than once about the feel of his hand cupping my chin. His touch was novel and warm. With my brother’s voice internally mocking me, I’d been unable to lean in and appreciate the contact, but I’ve fixated on it since. It was our first significant physical touch, and not remotely sexual, but the way I’m captivated by the memory of it makes my heart race.
When he shared with me about his wife’s death, I stopped entertaining anything beyond a friendship with Logan. Iz forced me to sit in my feelings long enough to acknowledge I feltsomethingfor him, but his revelation forced me to squash those feelings. His grip on my chin reawakened the thoughts I’ve kept at bay.
As Rainey plays, I get ready for the playdate. If there was a defining photo of a ‘t-shirt and jeans girl,’ I’m it. The nicer clothes and makeup I own are a necessary evil for my career, but outside of work you’ll never catch me in anything that’s not comfortable. Life’s too damn short to dress for anyone but yourself.
A part of me contemplates throwing on some mascara and fixing my eyebrows. Logan’s never seen me in makeup, so it might be weird to suddenly show up like that.Plus, my inner monologue reminds me,his wife’s been dead less than a year, so don’t push it.The last thing I want is to make him uncomfortable. He’s become a trusted friend and sounding board as I navigate Rainey’s care.
Over the dozen times Logan and I’ve met up since I bumped into him in the laundry detergent aisle, he’s never the late one. But he and Maggie are running unusually behind. Rainey taps her feet against the back of the passenger seat, restless and driving me crazy. I planned to wait for our friends to arrive before entering the park, but I can’t handle her fidgeting another second. I give in, and she races toward the merry-go-round that’s full of kids her age.
