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“Me,” I say, moving to my feet.
“And you are?” he asked.
“Alyssa Jacobs, his . . .”
“She’s his fiancée,” Aiden replies, standing next to me.
“Right,” the doctor says, not batting an eyelid. “So Mr. Lucas has been moved to the ICU and is in a serious but stable condition. We’re confident he’s going to make a full recovery. If you like, I’ll get one of the nurses to take you to him.”
“Yes please.” I reach out to shake his hand before he nods and leaves.
I turn to face Aiden. But before I can open my mouth, he beats me to the punch. “I guess you wanna know why, right? Why I’d throw my career away over something so fucking stupid?”
There’s no way I can miss the regret and self-loathing that emanating off of him. When I nod, I sweep out my arm, urging him to sit down. When he does, I take a seat next to him, tilting my body toward him as I wait.
Aiden huffs out a resigned sigh as he starts talking. “I was pissed off, okay, and I acted out. For one stupid moment in time, I didn’t think and I’ll deeply regret it for the rest of my life, Aly. You’ve gotta believe me when I say that.”
“You could’ve gotten him killed!” I say angrily. “Me too. Did you think about that? Not just about what you were doing and what Gavin might’ve done with the information, but about the effect it could have onme?”
“Doesn’t make up for it, though. I shouldn’t have done it, and I’ve already told Marlee everything. I just need to make it formal and then IAB will investigate.”
“Well, you putting yourself on the line, and then staying here with me when you’ve got the Brass breathing down your neck has kind of proven that.”
He shakes his head and I still at the sight of Aiden Lawrence—strong, constant, infallible Aiden—looking so broken and vulnerable. “A wounded man can be irrational. A broken-hearted man can lose his mind. I did a stupid thing, Aly, I know that, and I’m going to pay for it. I need you to know that I’ll never forgive myself for nearly getting you hurt.”
“And what about Barrett? You punished punished him for somethingIdid, and before that, for something Christy did. Not him. Don’t you see how reckless and misguided that is? I know I hurt you, and I hate that it happened, but that doesn’t mean you go and intentionally set out to ruin someone. That’s not the man I thought you were.”
His head drops, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “I know. You’re right, about all of it. I have to let you go, and I can see that there was never a contest to begin with, because when it comes down to it, you and him were inevitable.”
“Aiden…” I whisper.
He shakes his head and lifts his eyes to mine. “Don’t, Aly. I can let you go now. It’s not going to be easy, and I’m never going to forget everything we shared, but the pain I’m feeling right now is my punishment.” His voice is gruff, his wet, red-rimmed eyes full of regret.
“I never meant to hurt you. I hope you know that.”
“I don’t regret trying. And I’d do it all over again for a chance at having you. But now I need to go face the music for what I’ve done and you have a man who needs to see that you’re okay.”
We both stand up and before I can think about it, I step forward, closing the space between us and wrap my arms around his shoulders, hugging him tight. Turning my head, I kiss his cheek and move away.
“Goodbye, Aiden.”
“Bye, Beautiful.” Then with one final brush of his lips over my temple, Aiden Lawrence walks out of the room and out of my life.
* * *
Ten minutes later, I’m standing by the window trying to collect my thoughts and prepare myself to see Barrett when a nurse comes in to collect me. I make sure to leave a message with her to pass on to Mom so that she knows where I’ve gone when she comes back.
Then I’m taken up two floors and escorted into the ICU. Even though I still have the memory of him lying on the floor of Mom’s house with blood pouring out of him burned into my brain, nothing could’ve prepared me for the moment I see Barrett’s stricken body in the hospital bed, I stop moving.
There are two plastic prongs connected to an oxygen tube in his nose and wires coming out from under his hospital gown. The steady beep of the heart monitor the proof I need to know that he’s alive. Spurred into action, I quickly move to his side and take a seat beside the bed, reaching my hand over to lace my fingers with his.
Taking in his prone form, I become addicted to watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. I can’t tear my eyes away, even as I lift the back of his hand to my mouth and rest my lips against his warm skin.
I don’t know how long I sit there for—it might be minutes or even hours—but none of it matters when I feel Barrett’s hand twitch in mine.
My head jerks up, and when I meet his sleepy, half-lidded deep blue eyes, my tears of relief start to fall.
“Hey,” he rasps roughly.
