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It’s already hard as fuck. Do I even know who I am without her?
“I go back to school on the second of January.”
“I know.”
“Can we wait until then?”
“Yes.”
“I hate this, Roman. I hate he has this kind of control. I want to be with you. Forrest will have to learn to deal with that.”
“And when he doesn’t?”
She’s quiet. I don’t need her words because I know what that would do to her.
“He won’t, Emerson. You should have heard him, baby. He’s adamant that he didn’t do enough for you. I think the two of you need to talk.”
“No. He’s taking you away from me.”
“Baby, he doesn’t know that he’s doing that. He doesn’t know we’re together. We’ve been hiding this behind his back, something I’m sure will send his pissed-off meter to maximum levels if he were to find out.”
“He’s not my dad.”
“He’s not, but look at it from his side. He raised you as much as he could. Every weekend since you were eight years old, he had you staying with him. He bought this house to give you the home that the two of you never had. He may not be your father, but he feels responsible for you.”
“He’s not.”
“I know.” I press my lips to her hair. “There’s also the fact that I’m ten years older than you.”
“Do you feel it? The age difference when we’re together?”
“No.”
“Not even when we… you know, mess around?”
“Not even then. I know you’re inexperienced, but you come alive for me, Em. I don’t feel or see the difference. I know it’s there, but when we’re together, it’s just me and my girl.”
“I like being your girl.”
“Yeah,” I agree.
“Maybe we take a break?” she suggests. “I’ll get through graduation, and when I move home, we can maybe try this again?”
“I want nothing more, baby, but he’s not going to change his mind. Hell, he told me he’d rather see you move away and marry a doctor who will spoil you rotten.”
“He doesn’t know, Rome. You spoil me. You take care of me in ways I never knew I needed.”
I hate I won’t be the man to give her everything her heart desires.
“Didn’t take long for me to realize there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you just to see you smile.”
“You’re really good at taking care of me. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. That’s the hardest part. The connection we have, it’s deep. So deep I don’t know that I can ever get past it.”
“I won’t. Never, Emerson. There will never be anyone in my life who I care about as much as I care about you.”
My breath shudders in my chest when I realize I never told her I’m in love with her. I thought we had time. I was going to make it special, but now, I can’t see telling her, knowing that this isn’t progressing. Telling her now would be selfish.
Loving Emerson will be a secret I’ll hold in my heart until the day I die.
