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“Mine too,” I say instead.
She sits up, and I follow her lead as she climbs out of bed. I lace her fingers with mine and walk her to the steps. The ache in my chest intensifies.
“We’ll figure this out,” she tells me. “A new normal for us, but we’ve got this. Right?”
“Yeah, baby girl. We’ve got this.” I press a kiss to her temple and release her hand. My eyes follow her as she takes each step, walking away from me.
ChapterTwenty
Emerson
Roman kept his word. We’ve talked every day. I still end my day talking to him. It hurts, but I’ve learned something about Roman Bailey during my short time as his girl, as he liked to call me. He’s this tatted-up badass that feels deep in his soul. He loves me, my brother, and the rest of the guys. I also know that he cares for me; he might even love me. Sometimes I’m certain he does. However, love doesn’t seem to be enough. The situation that we’re in is difficult because of who I am to Forrest. I know that. We knew that going into this, but Roman, he’s one of those guys who would rather suffer in silence if he knew that someone he cared about was spared the pain.
The problem is for us, the only one being spared any pain is my brother.
We’re both hurting. We’re struggling to navigate this new friends-only situation we’ve found ourselves in.
It’s been a month since I’ve been back to school from Christmas break, and while we talk every day, the ache of knowing I’m no longer his, that he’s not mine, is still a jagged beat in my chest. Its uneven rhythm is my new reality. One that I’m still learning how to live with.
There’s a part of me that wants to call my brother and confess it all. I want to tell him I’m madly in love with one of his best friends. I want to scream at him for scaring Roman into thinking that he would never be good enough for me.
My phone rings. I reach for it expecting for it to be Roman, but it’s Forrest. I hesitate before hitting Decline, sending the call to voice mail. I get an immediate text message.
Forrest: Didn’t need anything. Just wanted to check in with you. Haven’t talked to you in far too long, kid.
Me: I’m good. Just busy wrapping up getting geared up for graduation. Lots to do.
Forrest: I’m so proud of you, Emerson. I see big things for you.
All I see for me is Roman, but I can’t say that.
I send back a heart emoji and toss my phone onto my bed. I hate that I’m mad at him. He’s guilty and doesn’t even realize he’s done anything wrong. That’s wrong of me, and I need to do better.
Pushing my brother and Roman out of my mind, I need to focus on myself. That’s all I can do. I gotta do me, and what I have to do is graduate. That means I must make my study group that starts in half an hour at the café just down the street from campus.
Climbing off my bed, I gather everything I need in my backpack and head out.
“There she is,” Sally says when I walk into the café. “We thought maybe you were standing us up.”
“Nope. I need to pass this class.”
“Don’t we all,” Gabe says, setting a cup in front of Sally and nodding toward the counter. “Want anything?”
“Not right now. Thanks, though.”
“All right, ladies and gents, let’s do this,” Allen says. He rubs his hands together before flipping open his textbook.
The four of us get busy. Surgical anatomy is going to be the death of me. We spend the next hour quizzing each other and coming up with different ways and silly sayings to remember the material.
“I need caffeine.” I push back from the table. “Anyone need anything?” I ask, grabbing my wallet out of my backpack.
“Me.” Adam hands me some cash. “Large black, extra strong,” he mutters.
“Got it. Hot lava coming up.”
I make my way to the counter and order Adam’s large black and a hot vanilla latte for me. I hand over Adam’s money for his and then pay for mine with the gift card that Roman got me. He keeps adding money to it, even when I tell him not to. I’m no longer his to spoil, but that doesn’t seem to be stopping him.
When I get back to the table, Gabe hands me my phone. “Sorry, Em, I thought it was mine. It’s for you.” He grins.
