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My shoulders stiffen, and I try to keep the worry out of my tone. “Everything all right?” I hope that sounded casual, because on the inside, my stomach is in knots, coiled like a snake.
“She’s fine, but she’s not coming home.”
“What?” Legend asks. “What do you mean, she’s not coming home?”
“Ever?” Lachlan asks.
“Why?” Maddox asks.
He said she was fine. That doesn’t keep me from pulling my phone out of my pocket and checking for a message from her. There’s not one, but I’m not surprised.
At the end of January, she said we had to back off on the calls. It’s now the beginning of April, and I feel her slipping further away from me every single day, and I don’t know what to do with that. I know what it means for us to be together, but I can’t seem to let go.
My heart won’t let me.
So here I am going through the motions of life, while constantly thinking about her. If I’m lucky, I talk to her two to three times a week. That’s it. I went from hearing her voice every night before falling asleep and often throughout the day to talking to her two to three times.
I hate it. I hate every fucking minute of it.
I’ve tried really hard not to take that anger out on Forrest. It’s not his fault he wants what’s best for her. He just doesn’t know that what’s best for her is me. I have to remind myself that we didn’t tell him about us. I have to remind myself thatIended things to prevent a sibling war, which instead caused a raging out-of-hand war in my chest.
I fucking miss her.
With each day that passes, I realize that the decision I made, even though she agreed, was the wrong one. With everything inside me, I wanted to protect her from losing her only family, but what I failed to realize at that time, is thatIam her family. The guys here at the shop, they’re her family. Monroe is her family. The family who chose her. Not because of bloodlines, but because of love.
Knowing that I could have been the cause of their rift, that I would be the one to cause her unnecessary pain, guided me in the wrong direction. We had a plan. I deviated from that plan after talking to Forrest that night. Maybe if I would have just told him that I was the man that would love her and spoil her and treat her like she deserves to be treated, he would have been pissed, but we could have gotten through it.
“She’s been distant,” Forrest says. “Sending me to voice mail, not calling to check in as much.” He looks up from his phone. “I was so desperate I called Monroe, and she assured me that she’s fine. Just focusing on graduation.” He points to his phone. “That’s her excuse. Exams are coming up, and she wants to get a head start. She’s been taking a class that’s kicking her ass, I guess. Her study group went from meeting twice a week to three times.”
She told me that too. At least if she’s lying, her stories are consistent. She failed to mention that she wasn’t coming home. That I won’t be seeing her until graduation at the end of next month.
“Seems plausible to me,” Maddox says.
“I’m sure she’s just busy, man. She’s an adult now, living her own life,” Lachlan says gently.
“She’s a smart girl, Forrest. If she needs you, she’ll let you know,” Legend adds.
I stay quiet. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but for fear I’ll blurt out that I’m in love with her, and lost her because I was afraid she would lose him if she chose me, so I keep my mouth shut.
“What about you? You going to give some unsolicited advice too?” Forrest asks.
I shrug. “I agree with them.” I shove the rest of my sub into my mouth and stand from the table, gathering my trash. “I need to get ready for my next client.” The words are barely out of my mouth when Lyra appears at the door to the break room.
“Hey, Roman, your first one for the afternoon is here.”
“Thanks, Lyra. I’ll be right there.” I walk out of the break room and to my room. Immediately, I pull out my phone and send Emerson a text.
Me: Forrest says you’re not coming home.
Emerson: Gotta prepare for exams and graduation.
Me: I was looking forward to seeing you.
Emerson: I’m doing the responsible thing.
Her words hit me like a knife in my chest. I know it’s a dig at me. I truly thought with my entire being that I was doing what was best for her, but I think I was wrong. In fact, I know I was wrong.
I should have let her make that choice.
