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Connor
August 2022
I wiped my eyes, blinked a few times, and looked at the clock. It was just before three and still dark outside. I sat up on the edge of the bed and stretched. I had to get down to the barn to check on the recent additions I’d added to the cattle barn from Jenkins ranch, plus I had two cattle ready to give birth anytime. It was going to be busy for the next few days.
The mattress creaked as I shifted my weight. I stilled, careful not to wake Ella, who was sleeping soundly. She was almost eight months pregnant and hadn’t been feeling well for the past few days. She needed her rest, the last thing I wanted to do was wake her. I leaned over and reached for my jeans on the bedside table, and sure enough, that was when I felt the bed shift.
I froze at the sound of her moan, hoping that I hadn’t woken her. I paused, almost afraid to breathe, as I waited to see if she was awake. Another small moan, and then I felt her hand on my arm. “Connor? What’s wrong? What time is it? Where are you going?”
“It’s early, baby, really early. Go back to sleep. It’s not time for you to get up yet,” I whispered, taking her small hand in mine.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll get up and get you breakfast before you head out,” she murmured, pushing the covers off her, trying to sit up.
I softly smiled as I slipped into my jeans. “It’s okay, Ella. It’s nowhere near time to eat. Now, sweetie, go back to sleep and get some rest so you can finish growing that baby. Now, I’ve got to go move the cattle to the field and get the new cattle fed, then check on the two that are due.” Pressing a kiss to her forehead, I pulled the covers up over her again. “I’ll be a bit.”
“Okay. I’ll have breakfast ready at six when you come in.”
“Sounds good.” I pressed a kiss to her lips.
I slipped into the small washroom off our room and quickly splashed some water on my face, thinking back to earlier this past month. Ella hadn’t been feeling well. She couldn’t pinpoint the problem, and that had me worried. The doctor assured us everything was fine and ordered her to get some extra rest until the baby was born, but Ella was stubborn. Since he’d told her to take it easy, she’d done the exact opposite.
Deep down I knew she’d been doing too much, so I’d tried to help her around the house, but she wouldn’t hear of it. It surprised me she’d listened to me just now and had gone back to sleep. That alone told me she was exhausted, normally she’d have gotten up regardless of what I said.
I came out of the washroom to check on her before heading down to the fields to find she was sound asleep again. I grabbed my jacket off the end of the bed and made my way downstairs and out into the darkness.
* * *
As I finished moving the last of the cattle to the field, I drove back up to the barn and hopped off the quad in time to see two ranch hands heading into the barn. I let out a yawn and waved at them. I’d been out here for three and a half hours. I was cold, and my stomach let out a growl to remind me I still hadn’t eaten.
Ella would have breakfast ready by now, I thought as I looked toward the house. I gave a couple of orders to the guys in the barn and then made my way up to the house. As I approached the back door, I heard the steady beeping of the fire alarm. I frowned, quickening my pace, and just before I climbed the steps to the door, I smelled burning bacon. I frowned. Ella was always attentive when she had food on the stove.
I pulled the back door open and entered the smoke-filled kitchen. Immediately, I grabbed a towel and moved the cast iron pan off the gas stove and into the sink. I shut the burner off and opened the window then took the towel and furiously waved it under the smoke alarm, trying to get the noise to stop. Finally, it let up. I went over to the sink and looked at the eight shrived pieces of burnt bacon in the pan. “What the hell,” I muttered under my breath. The crispy sticks looked like they’d been in that pan for about an hour.
“Ella?” I yelled, listening as I waited for her to respond. “Ella?” I yelled again. When I heard nothing, I threw the towel on the counter and made my way into the living room, then into the bathroom. She wasn’t there. I yelled from the bottom of the stairs, but again there was nothing.
I tried to think of anywhere else in the house she might be. As I made my way back into the kitchen, that was when I caught sight of her slippered feet lying on the floor of the pantry. Panic filled me as I pushed the door open to find my wife on the floor, a jar of jam broken beside her head. “Ella?” I muttered, rolling her over to find her eyes wide open, staring back at me.
I dropped to the floor, shaking her, but it did little good. She didn’t respond. I stared into her eyes, an enormous mountain of dread filling me, and swallowed hard. Then, with shaking hands, I placed two fingers on the side of her neck, already knowing full well what I was going to find. The temperature of her skin told me all I needed to know, and I ripped my hand away from her, covering my mouth to stop my screaming.
* * *
One Month Later
I sat on the edge of our bed, looking down at the photo of us we had taken only a few months ago. It had taken me time to realize that my Ella was gone, and so was our unborn child. Autopsy reports had shown she’d had an aneurysm. I’d been filled with guilt that I hadn’t been there, but the doctor told me there would have been nothing I could have done, even if I had been right there. She ceased to exist in under a blink of an eye. Still, the guilt of not being there was eating me alive.
“Connor.”
I looked up from the photo and saw my best friend, Gabe, standing in the doorway to what had been Ella’s and my bedroom. I was thankful to have him. He’d stepped up and helped a lot over the past few weeks.
“I went over everything with my guys. Everyone knows their jobs for the next few weeks. You can take the time you need to heal, without worrying about this place.”
I nodded. It had been hell the last few weeks. Gabe had been my rock, as he’d always been. He’d helped with the funeral arrangements and with the celebration of life. I’d never been so thankful to have him by my side. However, yesterday, he’d found out his grandmother passed away. He felt bad that he had to abandon me, and I felt bad that I couldn’t return the favor and be stronger for him.
“Thanks. I appreciate it. When are you heading out?” I questioned, placing the photo I’d been looking at back down on the side table.
“Tomorrow.”
I nodded. “What about your ranch? What about Cadence? She can’t possibly look after it all while you are gone?”
