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What the fuck? Was he serious? Was he really sitting here telling me to get involved with her, when all those years ago, it was her I’d wanted, and he was the only reason I’d never had her?
I met his eyes, trying to figure out if he was serious. When his look didn’t falter, I knew he was telling me the truth. He was giving me permission to date her. I allowed the idea to run through my mind. There was no way I could do it. No way I could betray Ella that way. I wasn’t ready for anything, and everyone would agree. I got up from where I was sitting, tucked the chair back in under the table, and placed my mug in the sink.
“We should get started. I really need to get out there, get this work done. I have to be back home by three for a delivery,” I mumbled as I walked out the door, leaving Gabe alone at the table.
Cadence
I stood on the cross member of the fence, watching my horse as she took another apple from my hand. I couldn’t believe I was back in Willow Valley. Yet here I was. I heard the back door slam and watched as Gabe and Connor made their way out toward the cattle barn, neither of them looking in my direction. Connor looked irritated as Gabe tried to catch up to him.
I felt like I was sixteen again, watching them follow my father toward the barn. The only similarity between then and now was the fact that I still couldn’t take my eyes off Connor Darling. He was different now. Bigger, broader shouldered, stronger, older. He’d gone from a boy to a man. As my eyes lingered, it was then he glanced in my direction. I averted my eyes quickly and spoke to my horse.
“It’s been a long time, Ember,” I said. “You’re looking good. Soon I’ll get you saddled up and we will take a ride out into the fields like we used to.” I patted her head. “Would you like that?”
I’d missed riding my horse. I’d left her here when I went out to my grandparents’. They hadn’t had the room to care for a horse, and I knew I’d be too busy to get her the exercise she needed anyway. I had thought this would be the best place for her to stay. I’d been right.
She let out a snort and shook her head. I reached for the last apple I’d picked and held it out for her to take.
I looked off toward the cattle barn in time to see Connor and Gabe step out of the door. It had crushed me to know that Connor wasn’t happy to see me. I didn’t know if I should be mad at Gabe for not telling him I’d returned or grateful so that I could see his actual reaction. I didn’t know why I was so upset. I really didn’t know how to expect the reunion to go, but in my mind, this hadn’t been it.
Somewhere in my head, I’d worked it out that he would’ve opened his arms and wrapped them around me, pulling me into him. That I’d get to feel his hard body against mine and smell his cologne again. Then we’d both hug, smile, and laugh at some silly memory we’d once shared. Maybe if I’d been lucky, he’d have lowered his lips to mine and gently kissed me, nibbling or sucking a little on my bottom lip. Instead, he’d looked almost sick, gutted at the fact I was back.
Connor had changed. He looked older than his twenty-seven years. His eyes still held onto such sadness that it broke my heart. He’d once been so playful, so full of life, and now, it seemed, he’d aged years in a short time. I guess tragedy had a way of doing that to people. I’d seen it with Grams after Gramps left us. It really shouldn’t have surprised me.
I went back up to the house and made my way up to my room. I watched from the upstairs window as Connor and Gabe worked out in the fields beyond the barn, each of them laughing at something the other had said. I sighed and turned to look at the things I’d left in my old room.
My small desk was still against the wall in my bedroom. A picture of Ella and me sat in the corner. I flipped the frame down, not wanting to feel her judging eyes on me. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel. Part of me still hated her. She’d gotten what I’d wanted. It was the same way I’d felt the night of her celebration of life. It was the way I’d felt right after they’d started dating and why I’d been in such a rush to leave Willow Valley. The feelings only grew more with each reminder I’d been given. Her wedding, the baby shower, her death, and then yesterday at The Crispy Biscuit. Perhaps it wasn’t anger, perhaps it was regret at throwing away our friendship over something that seemed so silly. All I knew was that I was holding onto some toxic feelings that needed to be released.
I flopped down on my bed. I closed my eyes and thought back to the summer before college. Gabe, Connor, Ella, and I had driven out to Willow Valley Lake after we’d gone for ice cream. Connor parked his dad’s truck, and the four of us climbed out. He’d grabbed two blankets from the back of the truck, along with towels, and the four of us took off toward the lake for an evening swim.
Ella and I set up the blankets and snuck behind the bushes to change into our swimsuits, while Gabe and Connor waited for us at the water’s edge.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” Ella asked, slipping on her bathing suit bottoms under her skirt.
“Yeah, I just know Gabe’s thoughts on dating his friends.” I giggled. “That’s why I need you to distract him for me.”
“Cadence, your brother isn’t very easy to distract,” Ella answered, while I slipped on my bathing suit bottoms.
“He likes you, Ella, I know he does. I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” I said, hoping and praying that my plan worked.
“I’ll do my best, but remember, if you get my signal, we’ll have to move to Plan B.”
“What’s Plan B?”
Ella shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I even know what Plan A is. But we can figure it out for next time.”
We both laughed. I was so nervous, I couldn’t stop shaking.
By the time we’d changed and made our way over to the blankets with our clothes, the guys were already in the water. “Come on, you two. Get in here!” Gabe yelled.
Together, we made our way over to the water’s edge and got in. We swam around, took turns using the tree swing, and once it got dark, we all climbed out of the water. Once we’d all changed, I’d made my way over to the truck with our wet gear to grab the cooler from the back. I’d told Ella that after we got changed, I’d call Connor for help to get the cooler from the back. That was when Ella would distract Gabe and, fingers crossed, Connor would accept my advances.
Everything had gone as planned. I took the bags of wet suits over to the truck and pretended to try and get the cooler down. Then, after a few minutes, I called for Connor’s help. Only instead of Connor, Gabe showed up.
“Hey, sis, let me get that for you,” he said.
I frowned. Why hadn’t Connor come? “Okay,” I muttered, forcing a smile onto my face. What else was I supposed to do? He went right to work unhooking the cooler and sliding it out of the back of the truck with ease, while I stood there, frowning.
He carried the cooler, while I trailed behind him. Internally, I pouted that somehow something had gone wrong, and Ella wasn’t able to get my attention since I’d left with the suits. Gabe was talking away when we’d come around the front of the truck, and that was when I saw Connor place his large hand on Ella’s cheek.
