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The last part was truthful. However, knowing that my best friend in the entire world had stolen the boy I’d liked had truthfully broken my heart. Connor, of course, did not know I’d ever liked him, nor had Gabe. I was sure in Gabe’s mind he was only doing what he thought was best to help his friend. Still, Ella had, and knowing she knew, and still accepted his advances, his proposal, it had made it difficult for me to fully forgive her.
“That’s understandable. You were off dealing with your grandparents. Ella wouldn’t have understood. I know she always wondered why you never called. She always wanted to be a shoulder for you. I’d tell her it was because you were probably busy and, of course, Gabe always filled us in on how you were, so it wasn’t like we didn’t get updates. I just remember so many times, her crying thinking you were angry with her. When I’d ask, she’d never tell me why, of course. I just chalked it up to pregnancy hormones.” Connor chuckled.
“Did she ever talk to her parents about her and I?” I questioned, wondering if perhaps they’d mentioned something to Connor after they’d seen me at the funeral.
“I don’t know.” Connor shrugged. “Her parents and I don’t view things the same way. I don’t ask questions because I don’t want to hear a lecture. Besides, they only call or come out twice a year. They claim it’s too hard on them to be in what was once her house.”
“Really? That’s it. That doesn’t sound like Mr. and Mrs. Connor.”
“Clearly you don’t know Bill and Paula very well. They are very good at making one feel guilty.”
I looked at Connor, not sure what he meant by that comment. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know because it sounded awful. Were they really blaming him for her death? I knew her parents well. They’d never made me feel that way in my entire life. “Care to elaborate?”
“Well, let’s see. Days after Ella died, all I’d heard was that had I of been in the house, things probably would have been different. That I’d have been able to save her. They’d repeatedly said that at her funeral, not sure if you heard that. That went on for weeks. Paula would call up and have crying fits on the phone with me, blaming me.”
“Connor, I did not know,” I said, bringing my hand to my heart. It hurt me to know that they had treated him like that.
“Each time they call, it’s always close to the anniversary of her death. They called me six months after, then on the anniversary of her death. They’d started asking me if I were seeing someone, like it would be so bad if I was. Almost making me feel that I’d be cheating on her. It’s almost as if they want me to stay single, blaming myself for her dying. It’s almost like they don’t want me to move on.”
“That doesn’t sound like either of them.”
“It may not to you, but just trust me. It is.”
We both grew quiet as we sat in the small booth. I looked over at him to see his eyes focused down on the table. I could see the hurt on his face, and I could only imagine the hurt going on inside of him. “Connor?” I said, reaching across and placing my hand on his. “You have a right to be happy. Screw what they think.”
He looked up and met my eyes. “You are the first person to say that to me. Of course, you are the first person I told this to. I never mentioned it to Gabe.”
“I mean it, Connor. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t mention it to him. He’d lose his temper.” I giggled.
We sat there staring at one another. I wished he’d hold me in his arms again and kiss me like he had on that dance floor tonight. I wished I could be the one to make him happy, the way he should be. Regardless of what he felt, others thought. I also knew and was preparing myself because I feared perhaps I was the girl he was trying things out on. After all, we’d known each other for years and I was someone he was comfortable with. I feared how devastated I’d be if that were the case, if after he tried these things on me, I’d have to watch him do it with another woman.
“You know, Cadence, nothing has made me happier than I was tonight. Getting to hold you in my arms, dancing on that dance floor.”
A feeling of warmth flooded my body. “I felt the same way,” I said, my voice low as I slid my hand into his.
* * *
The drive back to the farm was a quiet one. Connor drove back, his hand in mine as we listened to some music. When we got back to the house, he walked me to the front door where we now stood, listening to the sounds of crickets and cicadas.
“Thank you for a wonderful evening, Connor,” I said as I slid the key into the lock and pushed the inside door open far enough that I could turn on one of the living room lights.
“No, thank you,” he said, leaning in and placing a kiss on my cheek.
As he pulled away, I went to say something, but he stopped me. “Cadence, I have something I want to say.”
I could tell from his expression that it was important, so I waited while he gathered his thoughts.
“Remember how you said tonight that I deserve to be happy?”
I nodded. “Yes. It’s the truth.” It was the truth in my mind.
Connor cleared his throat. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“Gosh, I don’t even…” Connor stepped away from me and shoved his hands in his pockets as he looked out toward his truck. Then he pulled his hands from his pockets and ran them through his hair. “Cadence, ever since I saw you again, it has reminded me of our teen years. I said nothing, well, because of Gabe, but…”
I closed my eyes. Was he going to say what I thought he was going to say? My heart beat faster as I stood waiting for him to continue. I feared if I said anything that he’d stop speaking and leave.
