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“Well, see, Cinnamon, he really likes you. So, I’d planned on giving him to you a few weeks ago but knew you wouldn’t accept him. Now, since he is a Christmas gift, it would be rude for you to give him back.”
I fought against the welling tears. This was way too hard. I wasn’t ready to love another horse, and I wasn’t ready to love Connor the way I did either. The love I had for him ran deeper than I thought, and it wasn’t until he stood in front of me that I’d realized it.
“I know what you’re going to say,” Connor said, stepping toward me.
“What is that?” I questioned, taking a step back.
“That you aren’t ready to love another horse,” he said, still coming closer.
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to put my focus on the pain I was inflicting on myself so I didn’t cry and rush into his arms. “It’s the truth,” I said, my voice cracking, taking another step back.
“Well, Cadence, the truth is…” He stepped toward me again. “I wasn’t ready to fall in love again either. Yet, here I am, in love with a woman I never thought I’d get a chance with. But the good thing is that she makes it so easy to love her. Just like Cinnamon here. He makes it easy.”
I could feel the burn in my eyes now. There was no hiding it anymore, no fighting these tears because when I blinked, the tears spilled over my eyes, running down my cheeks. “Fuck,” I muttered under my breath, rushing to wipe them away.
“I never should have let you leave the other morning,” Connor said, stepping closer to me, now placing his hands on my arms. “I should have locked that fucking door. I should have stood up for you, for us. Instead, I fucked up. I know it.”
I couldn’t back up anymore. I was against the barn door, and Connor stood so close I could feel his breath on my cheek.
“I’m sorry I fucked up,” he whispered, his large hand cupping my cheek. “I should have stood up for us,” he replied, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
His scent invaded me, the warmth of him comforted me, as I fell against his chest. “Why didn’t you?”
“Cadence, that’s a question that I will forever try to answer. Why didn’t I stand up for us? Why didn’t I turn Ella down, and why didn’t I just ask you out all those years ago?” He held me tight against him. “I hate myself every time I think of it,” he whispered.
Silent tears ran down my cheeks as we stood there in that barn. “Don’t hate yourself,” I whispered.
“I can’t help it. I hated seeing the look in your eyes that morning and knowing it was all because of me and my words. It broke me when you drove away and didn’t return that night.”
“I needed time, Connor. I needed to think.”
“About?”
I slowly let him go. “About us,” I said, my voice low.
“What about us?” he asked, taking a step back.
“When I faced her parents that morning, everything became so real, it scared me. I slept with you. Then to see the look on their faces, the look on yours. She was my best friend! They treated me like family, even though I’d pushed her away, all because I was jealous of what she had with you. I was angry. Then to see Olivia standing there, realizing that she was related to Ella, and they had brought her to take you. It was all too much. I just got you, and suddenly I was faced with the threat of losing you. I needed time to search myself, to know if I could handle this relationship, however it turned out. I needed time to forgive myself for all the hate I had for her, because I hated her. Hated her, because of you.”
Connor nodded, then turned around and faced Cinnamon. He reached out and pet the horse and then turned back to face me. “And…what did you come up with?” He stood there looking at me, his eyes full of hope but also full of fear.
I searched inward, hoping and praying I was making the right choice. The choice I knew I wanted in my heart. I thought about what Trinity and Peggy said in the bookstore that day about regret. I didn’t want to make the wrong decision and hate myself forever when I ran into him again. I didn’t want to regret things for a second time.
“Tell me, please. Tell me if I should go. I will do whatever you ask, and if me leaving is what you want, I’ll do it. I won’t like it, but I will do it, because I can’t go home not knowing…—”
“Don’t leave,” I blurted out. “Don’t leave. Please, stay.”
I saw the tears in his eyes as he stepped forward and cupped my cheeks with his large hands. “Thank God. Cadence, I love you,” he whispered before meeting my lips in a deep, slow, telling kiss.
Emotion flooded me as his lips danced over mine. He loved me. He truly loved me.
Cadence
Christmas Morning
“Oh god…Connor…that was…” I rolled onto my back, breathless, my body covered in a sheen of sweat.
“Now that is what I call great Christmas morning sex,” he said, placing his hand behind his head while pulling me in for a kiss.
