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“Sure.” She said with a light laugh, though wishing it were a possibility. “I doubt there’ll be another wedding and reception quite like that.”
“Probably not. I want a more intimate wedding, but with a great DJ and music and dance partner.” He stared at his phone’s screen again before setting it on the nightstand. “Good night.”
“Sweet dreams.”
“Are made of this,” he sang, as if unable to help himself.
She walked right into that. “You aren’t going to serenade me to sleep, are you?” She talked over him.
He stopped abruptly. “Not with that one.”
Thank goodness.The old Eurythmics song had earned an immediate skip-to-another-station when it came on because of the line about some people wanting to be abused.
“How about ‘Unforgettable,’ since that’s what you are?” He turned off the lamp and hummed the soothing tune in the darkness.
Only the other lyrics still played in her head. She might not have seen Adam’s need for control as a warning sign initially, but she had notwantedto be abused. And when he’d crossed from emotional to sexual abuse, she’d done what she had to do to move out and on.
Only she hadn’t been able to move on completely. When she’d tried kissing or being the least bit intimate with a man she dated, panic attacks had ensued. That’s why she’d given up hope after years of meeting with a trauma counselor, and she simply stopped dating.
Yet, over the past few weeks, she gotten comfortable enough with John—a big, alpha, military guy, of all people—that she didn’t jump at his touch. Dancing with him, she’d felt almost normal. Almost healed. Until he’d dipped her, and her vulnerability triggered her fight or flight instinct. But it passed. She didn’t have to fight. Or flee. Just breathe. And trust. Trust Johnandherself. For the first time in years, she had a spark of hope.
As they lay in separate beds in the dark hotel room, the need to protect herself warred with her physical attraction to John. Could she enjoy a physical relationship with a man again?
She imagined kissing John. It felt good. Her thoughts leveled up—his hands on her, her body pressed to his. There was barely a ripple of anxiety, and good memories returned.
He stopped humming. What was he thinking? What would he say or do if he knew whatshewas thinking?
She didn’t move a muscle as the minutes ticked past and his breathing slowed and deepened. Then she pushed her imagination forward—to them taking off their clothes. Memories flooded back. Sweat broke out all over her body. Her heart raced, and an invisible band constricted around her chest. She countered the anxiety by breathing slow and deep and grounding herself that she was safe here in this hotel room.
Hot tears burned her eyes and trickled down her cheek as reality set in. It wouldn’t be fair to use John to see how far she’d get in real life before panic enveloped her. With what she’d learned from their talks, he’d see that as another rejection of him, rather than her inability to function when it came to sex. She could push him right back into a sex-based relationship instead of building the kind of healthy one he needed to get what he wanted most—love and marriage.
He deserved those things. If it weren’t for his abandonment issues making him walk away rather than risk rejection, a woman would have locked him down for sure. Her life, her work, and The Oasis were here in Fayetteville. With his upcoming promotion and move, he didn’t need her holding him back. If he could move forward, he could have everything he wanted.
ChapterForty-Five
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS – Foreigner
John’s phonechimed from an incoming text message. Elizabeth opened one sleepy eye as he grabbed the phone.
“Ben says he and his wife are going down to breakfast in thirty minutes if we want to join them.”
“Sure.” Elizabeth’s voice was thick and dreamy from sleep.
He couldn’t remember the last time he woke up with a woman where she’d slept in a different bed. While he would have liked for her to share his, this felt nice, not the morning-after awkward—unless he got up now and she saw his morning erection. It’d gotten harder just thinking of her being in his bed. “You get first dibs on the bathroom. I’ll text him back.”
They entered the hotel breakfast area a half hour later. John groaned as he spotted Linc, Ben, and his wife seated at a long table with several contestants from Nate’s season, including Shelby.
“Sorry,” he whispered to Elizabeth. “I didn’t know they’d be here too.”
“No worries. We’ll just fake it a little longer.”
With them leaving soon, there wasn’t a need to keep up the charade any longer, other than how he felt being with her as a couple. She might be faking it. Him? Nope. Not anymore.
One day at a time, between their dinner at the restaurant and this weekend, his feelings had become undeniably real. Different than he’d ever felt about a woman. Was there any possibility she felt the same? She didn’t flirt. Didn’t seek him out. But she’d never turned him away when he crashed her evenings on the porch. She laughed with him, not at him.
She also didn’t date.
The only way things were going to change was to come clean. He’d hinted at it, singing to her last night, but clearly, he needed to come right out and tell her he was falling for her. Even if it was like standing in the open with a target painted over his heart and handing her a loaded automatic weapon.
