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“I can’t say. I went through a lot of bad shit, and I learned a lot from Elizabeth. First, I had to be ready. You can’t force a person to speed up the healing process. People would say ‘just get over it.’ That’s not helpful. Seriously, I would if I could, but it’s not that easy. It was like they were invalidating what I felt.”
He let Wren’s warning settle in. Elizabeth had made him see his pattern of walking away in the face of rejection. Since he couldn’t get his mother to love him and be a part of his life, he’d learned to protect himself rather than fight a battle he couldn’t win. While you couldn’t force a person to love you, sometimes you did have to fight for a relationship. Show the person you loved that you wouldn’t abandon them. Only from what Wren said, the very thing Elizabeth had encouraged him to do in a romantic relationship could hurt her and push her away forever. He was damned if he did, and damned if he didn’t.
He didn’t know what else to say or do. He conceded this might be a battle he couldn’t win. “Thanks for the insight and for taking care of Boss while I was gone.”
“I owed you. Still do.”
“Let me grab his bed and food from you.”
Back in Hope Harbor, Boss plucked a ball from the basket of toys. “Not now, boy. I gotta figure things out.” He doubted Elizabeth wanted to come home to him and his dog in her front yard since Boss would inevitably head over for some love. He couldn’t blame him.
It wasn’t just tonight though. What about tomorrow? And the next day?
She hadn’t asked for this. She’d warned him going to the wedding with him wasn’t a good idea. It’s not like she’d ever flirted or come on to him, though the way she looked at him made him hope she felt the same. He’d been attracted to her from the moment he saw her with Boss. Staying here, being around her, seeing her beauty, both inside and out, had him feeling different than he ever had about a woman. It went beyond sexual attraction. But damn, that did need to be a part of a romantic relationship at some point.
She wasn’t ready and asked him to accept that. The way she’d whispered she was sorry—at least he believed she did care. That it hurt her to reject him. The way she wished things could be different.Thatwas different from his mom. Different from Britney. Different from pretty much anyone he’d dated. Because of Elizabeth, he felt like a different man now. More self-aware. Even worthy of love. Which could be why it hurt that Elizabeth wouldn’t even give them a chance.
What she’d said about her ex not taking no for an answer stuck in his brain. Did she think he was the same way? Maybe he hadn’t let her pay for the deck supplies, but that was a totally different situation. He needed to prove he was different from her ex. He needed to do what she wanted, even if it was the last thinghewanted. The end.
“It’s time to move on, Boss.”
* * *
John’s truckstopped in front of her house. That he left the engine running was telling. Elizabeth understood he may not want to see her. In the hours since she’d gotten back from Charlotte, she’d been on a closet-cleaning binge. She couldn’t explain why that suddenly seemed important, other than it gave her a reason not to crawl into bed and cry some more. It’d taken over half an hour to get herself together enough to leave the hotel room and drive home.
Boss’s nails clicked on the wood coming up the porch steps. She wouldn’t be hearing that again soon. Maybe ever. She swallowed the lump making it hard to breathe, thinking how John’s truck wouldn’t rumble past, crunching the gravel. She wouldn’t hear his singing. Wouldn’t blush when he winked or complimented her.
It wouldn’t be right to ignore his knock on her door, especially since her car made it clear she was home.
Boss pressed his nose to the screen while John stood back, his shoulders slumped. His head hung uncharacteristically low. Because of her.
“I’m glad you made it back safely.” He studied her as she opened the screen door and stepped onto the porch.
While she’d held it mostly together until he’d left, she couldn’t hide her red-rimmed eyes. Crying that wasn’t from a panic attack or depression, though that might come. It was pure heartache. “Wren texted that you were packing and moving out.”
“With the trial over, y’all don’t need me anymore. You’ll have Hope Harbor free for someone else.”
“You haven’t started the renovations and don’t have furniture or a bed at your house.”
“It’s got four walls and a roof. Electricity and running water. It’ll save time if I’m there versus traveling back and forth. It’s for the best,” he added.
She sniffed back tears. It was.
“Here’s the key and remote for the gate.” He held them out to her. “I told Wren to help herself to the food in the fridge, so the house isn’t locked. I got all my stuff and did some clean-up, though it’s not move-in ready. Wren said she’d—”
“Don’t worry about that.”
He gave a nod, his eyes and mouth looking tortured. “I already said goodbye to Wren and Ariana. Y’all have my number if you need anything. Thought you’d want to say goodbye to Boss.”
Goodbye, not see you later. She hadn’t wanted or expected things to end this way.
She dropped to one knee, fighting the suffocating effect of her chest constricting. “I’m going to miss you.” Boss licked her cheek as she rubbed his neck. “I’m glad you were part of my life.” And that Boss brought John here when they needed him to protect Ariana from J.R. John showed Wren there were honorable men who’d help without expecting sex as payment and challenged her to make responsible decisions. He’d made Elizabeth feel like the young woman she’d been a decade ago and awoken feelings she hadn’t experienced in nearly that long.
Now he needed to be free to live his life and find a woman who could give him all the love he deserved. That was clearly what he wanted—not a friend.
“If you ever need someone to take care of Boss, let me know.” It was the one tenuous connection she could offer.
“I won’t deploy as much in the new position, but down the road, I may need to take you up on that. I promise I won’t ever leave him in a situation like before. I appreciate all you’ve done for him and me. Even though—you had to give him up.” He swallowed, still looking at her with a pained expression before walking down her porch steps and out of her life.
