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“Maybe. It may be unconventional warfare, but, at the ball, Sally said life was like war and required making sacrifices. Spending some time apart is not what I want, but I’d rather do that than rush into a commitment, whether it be marriage or where we’re living, and have it not work out and be hurt or hurt you. When I married Phil, Ineverthought I’d be divorced. They say divorce is harder than losing a spouse to death because there’s a lot of guilt. The guilt part’s true.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty.”
“But I am to blame too. There are so many things I could have done differently. I do love you, Graham. More than I even thought I could. But I can’t go into another marriage thinking if ‘it doesn’t work out, I can get divorced again.’ And I’m not there yet.”
She could hear him breathe in and exhale from thousands of miles away.
“I can respect that. But this doesn’t mean it’s over-over. When I get back, I’ll make McKittrick commit, and we’ll go from there. If he keeps me there, he’s not likely to suddenly change his mind about us being together—especially if you’re writing for a wildly popular military television show.”
She laughed and sobbed at the same time as relief and sadness battled within her. She had to focus on the long game. “When does he retire or move on?”
“That’s a good question. He’s got another year and a half in his current assignment. If he makes the next list for Major General, he’ll move on. Possibly to someplace I’d want to be in the future. I’d prefer not to burn bridges—but sometimes, there’s no going back.”
Neither said the word goodbye, but after the call ended, Erin prayed she hadn’t just lit the match and set fire to her chance at a future with Graham.
ChapterForty-Four
Graham strodetoward McKittrick’s office like a man on a mission—which he was. McKittrick had stretched Graham’s time in Africa to five weeks. He’d visited villages and met with tribal leaders with the revised mindset that he would be in command of 3rdGroup for another three years.
Until he’d seen the flaw in his strategy.
It was time to change the battle plan and end this conflict for good.
McKittrick sat at his desk reviewing intel reports from the weekend before the weekly briefing.
“Good morning, General.”
“Uh, Graham.” McKittrick reclined back and removed his reading glasses. “You’re in early.”
“I’m still on Africa time. Thought I’d see if you’ve looked over the reports I submitted and had any questions.”
“Everything was in order. It looks like you made good inroads, and your time there was well spent.”
They both knew that wasn’t why he’d originally been sent, but it hadn’t been wasted time, even if it had extended longer than necessary. “Any updates here I need to be aware of?” McKittrick might have already made plans to replace him.
“The training cadre is gearing up for the next round of selection. I sat down with Captain Bryson last week. Mateohassuccessfully integrated into the team, so they are on track to replace Amaya’s unit as scheduled. And Mateo will come home to a new son or daughter. I’m glad things have worked out for them.”
“I am too.” That was a bright spot in all of this.
“More importantly, morale’s been good. Somehow, we dodged a bullet with Noelle’s announcement and the potential conflict of interest with Erin working for this television program. I never thought it would get off the ground.”
That explained why he’d readily approved Erin shadowing the team when it suited his purpose.
“While it’s still preferable that you be married, the way Bryson and his men had your back doing containment at the ball shows your men will follow your orders straight to the gates of hell. You’ve also made your priorities clear, and the unit would benefit from your continued leadership. I’m signing off on you staying in command.”
“Actually, sir, you were right when you said I’m not the best man to continue to lead 3rdGroup.”
“What?” McKittrick sat up straighter.
“I was focused on keeping my command and maintaining the respect of my men and my integrity. I didn’t factor in that I can’t control whether Mateo or someone else fears that I would betray them with their wife. Whether I’m married, single, or in a relationship.”
“True,” McKittrick conceded.
“While I was away, I thought about your concerns that what Noelle said could make the men question my motives in having Erin observe Bryson’s team. While it wasnota trade for sex, I didn’t envision that allowing that could result in trust issues every bit as much as those raised by Boatman and Thompson. That’s a strategic planning failure on my part.”
“Neither of us could anticipate Noelle publicly announcing that Iorderedyou to marry,” McKittrick grumbled.
“No. But questions about my reasons could linger if I were to stay in command here. I plan to put in for command of 10thGroup at Fort Carson.” It was only three years, and Colorado wasn’t overseas. Graham also wasn’t his father. He’d still be involved in his kids’ and future grandbaby’s lives. They could visit here often, and Erin would be closer to Los Angeles and Madison in Austin, Texas. “I need to speak with the general there to be certain he won’t have a problem with Erin’s involvement in the show.”
