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“A major problem was I didn’t like whoIhad become. I was angry and suspicious all the time, which made things worse. I started attending Al-Anon and seeing a counselor. That helped me some.”
“Did he go to meetings?”
“No. After he had a car accident and was arrested for being under the influence, I begged him to enter an alcohol treatment program. He said he didn’t need a program, that he could stop or cut back. And he did—for three days.”
“Did you give him an ultimatum?”
“No. He had to want to quit drinking, or at least get a handle on it, for himself. But I had to do what was best for me and told him I wanted a separation. The first week, I stayed at a friend’s house pet sitting her dog while she was on a trip.”
“Your moving out didn’t motivate him to get help?” That said a lot about her ex’s addiction.
She shook her head, her mouth in a tight, straight line. “I thought it might be a wake-up call. Except I checked the recycle bin at our house, and no.” She gave a light sigh. “I rented an apartment and told the family I’d moved out. That was scarier than jumping out of a plane. Especially since no one other than our younger daughter knew he drank like that. I can’t make him want to change, but I could change myself.”
“That’s a healthy outlook.” Though he still wished she hadn’t gone through that.
“That’s why I’m being fairly direct with you. Trying to be the new, more confident me. The one who says she wants pineapple on her pizza. Though I’ve now broken the cardinal rule about not talking about your ex, especially disparagingly, on a first date.” She tentatively met his gaze.
“You haven’t broken any rules. I appreciate your honesty about what you’ve been through. What if he got sober now? Any chance you’d get back together?” He had to ask.
“I don’t see that happening. We married right out of college, and I never had a chance to be independent. I like only having to answer to myself. I’m working on discovering who I am—or who I want to be. I wasn’t even planning to date. However, when a handsome officer hangs out at the grill, goes to the USO for reconnaissance,andsets up a Facebook account to get in touch, I wasn’t going to say no to a dinner out.” She finally smiled again.
Graham smiled back. “Thanks for taking pity on me.”
“It’s not pity. Though, I’m not looking for a serious relationship. My ex didn’t see how I could be a wife and mother and pursue screenwriting, so he was never on board with it. I’m finally getting my shot at that dream, and I’m unwilling to give it up.”
He didn’t know what to say to that since a serious relationship was exactly what he needed for McKittrick to keep him here. Rather than succumbing to disappointment that Erin wasn’t the right woman for him based on her reason for being here, he needed to keep his goal in mind. He hadn’t expected this process to be easy.
“Though, if I find out you put my name on a banned-from-the-base list because I’m a writer, I am going to unfriend you.”
“We don’t ban access for that.” There were other reasons, mainly security and safety, but Erin wanting to learn more about how a Special Forces team operated didn’t exactly pose a security threat. She’d obviously done a lot of research and gone above the call of duty in supporting troops through the USO. Maybe she couldn’t help him withhisdilemma, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t help her. He wasn’t going to make promises yet, though.
* * *
If Erin hadany clue about Graham being the commander of 3rdSpecial Forces Groupbeforecoming on a date with him, she would have handled things differently. Talk about blowing an opportunity. It was like the universe kept extending her a silver platter holding what she needed to achieve her dreams, and every time she got close, it got yanked away, and someone yelled, “Psych!”
She wanted to cry, but no way was she doing that in front of him. Instead, she switched the conversation to baseball and managed to avoid more landmine topics as they ate. Graham never totally let his guard back down, though. What did she expect? She’d only been half joking about not putting her name on a list blocking her access to Special Operations teams or even the base.
Why hadn’t she deleted the friend request? She was not looking for a relationship. Now, she’d blown any opportunity to observe a Green Beret team and likely anyone in the 82ndAirborne. All in one night.
“The pizza was delicious, and I enjoyed the company,” Erin settled for the only thing she could think of to say when he waved off her offer to split the bill. It’s not like he was going to ask her out again.
“It’s nice not eating alone.” He didn’t saySayonaraat the door but walked her to her car.
“Putting yourself back out there after such a major life change is hard, but we both survived our first attempt.” Narrowly, since she’d ruined things by dropping the bomb about her screenwriting project. “Hopefully, it will get easier.”
He hesitated before saying, “Good night.”
“Good night,” she repeated, probably too brightly. She opened her car door so she wouldn’t be the one to make the mistake of sayingcall meoryou have my number. Or start to cry. There was no benefit to making him more uncomfortable.
The tightness in her chest made it hard to breathe. She hadn’t come close to getting a kiss and might have just kissed her shot at writing for the TV series that washeridea goodbye. If she weren’t obligated to pet sit for the next four months, she’d pack up and leave for Fort Benning, or whatever it was called now. She might still have a remote shot at observing a Ranger team. Instead, she’d write syllabi and grade papers until she was seventy and could afford to retire.
She cast another glance Graham’s way as he got in a black Lexus sedan.Goodbye, Graham.Like so much in her life, she wished things could have been different.
ChapterEight
Graham arrivedat Reece and Megan’s on Sunday night, knowing he would face an interrogation. Based on Megan’s message about missing him at home several nights in the past two weeks, she knew something was up. He joined the family in the kitchen, where food bowls already lined the counter.
“Wow. Looks like you’ve gone all out.” He handed Megan the bag with a carton of ice cream, whipped cream, and syrup.
