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“What is it, baby?” Ryker asked, looking concerned all of a sudden.
“Sofie, you’re kind of worrying me, and I’m sure Ryker as well,” Jareth said and straightened. Ryker made a deep sound of agreement.
I could do this. I could. I had to.
So I took a deep breath, willed myself to have strength, and just came out and said it. “I love both of you,” I said and looked in each of their eyes, making sure they knew I was being serious, that this was coming from the heart. “I love both of you so much. I know us being together is unconventional, but I need you both in my life more than I’ve ever needed anything else.” I took a deep, steadying breath. “If I lost one of you—” The very thought had emotion rising up viciously in me. “—I’d feel like a piece of myself was missing.” I tried to sound strong, but I heard the way my voice cracked.
I’d been honest with them individually, and they knew how I felt, but having them both sit there in front of me as I talked about the feelings I had for both of them made me want to spill my entire heart. “I feel this connection with both of you, one that I’ve never felt before, that I never will feel with anyone else. I know with everything in me that you both were meant to be mine, just as I was meant to be yours.”
No one said anything for long seconds, their expressions stoic, their attention trained on me.
“But I understand if this isn’t something you guys see for yourself, see for your future. And as much as I love you, as much as I want you, I want you to have that choice. I understand if this is too complicated, if a monogamous relationship is what you’re after.” God, could they hear how fast and hard my heart was beating? “But what I want is both of you. And I know you said you’re okay with that. But are you really?” A suspended moment passed, and I waited for one of them—both of them—to respond.
Ryker cleared his throat, and Jareth shifted on the couch.
“What is it you actually see, Sofie?” Ryker was the one to speak first once again.
I swallowed. “I told you. I want both of you.”
He shook his head slowly. “No, I mean what do you really want?”
For a moment, I didn’t know what he meant. I’d spilled my heart to them, told them everything. And then as I looked into his eyes, glancing over at Jareth, I knew what he wanted. I knew what they both wanted.
“Tell us, baby girl.”
I looked to Jareth after he spoke. Yes, I knew what they wanted to hear. It’s what I wanted to say.
“I want all three of us together. I want us sleeping under the same roof, no more days split up between us, no more bouncing back and forth. I don’t want aménage à trois.” A long pause filled the air. “I want two separate relationships, with the two men I love the most. But I want us all living together. And I want you guys to want that too.”
And then more silence, awkwardness filling me as I waited for them to tell me if that’s what they wanted too. God, I was on pins and needles. They’d told me many times they didn’t care that I was with the other, but what I was telling them, asking them, was far different than what they’d probably bargained for.
A throuple, as Trevor had put it.
A poly relationship.
I wasn’t interested in us being together sexually at the same time. I liked how things were now, and I suspected they did as well. And I tried not to dwell on the idea that they’d tell me they didn’t want that, that they’d been thinking about this arrangement and it wasn’t what they wanted after all.
And then Ryker was the first to stand. He walked over to me but didn’t touch me, and I held my breath as I tipped my head back and looked into his face.
“Say something. Anything,” I whispered.
“Sofie.” He said my name so softly I wondered if I had really heard him say it. “I’ve known you my entire life. I’ve loved you for nearly as long.” He paused a moment, and I could see on his face he was gathering his thoughts. “The only thing I ever wanted was to make you happy.” He reached out and cupped my cheek then, smoothing his thumb right under my eyes. “There is no me without you. There is no life if you’re not in it.” He took a step closer to me. “I’m man enough, secure in my masculinity and our love for each other, to know that you need Jareth. I know he’s not a replacement for me, but an extension of what you need.”
I didn’t want to cry, but Ryker was saying things I felt so deeply I was on the verge of doing just that.
“So, my point is, I’m not going anywhere, baby. You’re stuck with me for life, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He leaned down and kissed me, and I rose on my toes to meet him, wrapping my arms around his neck and letting him pull me in close. After a long moment, he pulled back and smiled. “Besides, Jareth isn’t so bad,” he said and winked, looking over his shoulder and staring at the other man I was hopelessly in love with.
Ryker pulled back and stepped away, moving to stand by the back of the couch, letting Jareth take his place.
Jareth rose and moved toward me. He wasn’t in the three-piece suit I normally saw him in, but instead wore a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt. He had this intense expression on his face, something I was used to seeing, something that always made my heart race.
He was only a foot from me, looking down into my eyes, both of us sharing the same air. Although I hadn’t known him as long as I had Ryker, and although I hadn’t given my virginity to him like I had with the man who stood just a few feet from him, I’d given a different part of myself to him.
I’d submitted to him fully, opened my heart to him completely.
We shared something special as well. He’d given me experiences that I never thought possible. He gave me things Ryker hadn’t, and vice versa. And that’s how I knew we were all supposed to be together, all made for each other.
But I held my breath, waiting for him to speak.
