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“You don’t have to. I know how difficult it will be for you.”
“I have to face your father at some point, and the more I avoid him, the more he’ll know how much he’s affected me and is still affecting me.”
Despite my words, Rafael’s concern for me warmed the cold pit inside my stomach. I hadn’t expected him to act like this, and I felt surprised by him and confused by my own reaction toward him.
When we got back to the house after our jog, Rafael passed a second water bottle as we stood and did our stretches. I drank what I wanted and then handed the bottle back to him, watching the strong muscles in his neck as he gulped down the remaining water.
I couldn’t help but stare, flushing as I caught his gaze—he knew I had been watching him. His expression was intense and unnerving. But instead of darting my eyes away, I kept looking at him, taking him in.
Very slowly, he stepped toward me.
He brought his hand up and unhurriedly stroked my cheek. Upon his touch, I felt a quiver run through me. “I’ve been wanting to do this,” he murmured.
He carefully took me into his arms and bent his head to mine. I watched the blue in his irises flash with something I couldn’t put a name on.
He brushed his lips against mine, tenderly taking his time and making no demands of me.
His lips caressed mine and I felt my eyes close as the sensation from his mouth rippled through my body. But the sensation wasn’t fear—it was something else.
I lost myself to the kiss and to him. And when he pulled away, I found myself breathless and disorientated.
“Anything more than that will need to come from you,” he said in a low voice.
I swallowed hard, confused by what had just happened—what I had just let happen. “I can’t do…anything else with you.”
“You feel like that now, and you may never change your mind, and that’s alright. But you may also one day want to change your mind. I’ll wait for however long you need me to.”
I shook my head. “I won’t change…”
“Shhh,” he soothed, taking me into his arms and pulling me against his chest. “You’re safe with me. I won’t ever touch you unless you ask me to.” I let him hold me, his touch making me feel heady. "I know I mentioned satisfying my needs elsewhere. But the truth is, I don't want to, and I won't be doing that."
"I'm glad," I whispered, realizing that even though I wasn't going to sleep with him, I didn't want him to be with anyone else.
When he let go of me, I finished the rest of my stretches before going inside and up to our bedroom to shower.
I didn’t understand why Rafael was showing kindness toward me. I’d rarely had dealings with men outside my own family, so I couldn’t draw on previous experience. I’d been sent to an all-girls convent school where we’d been taught by nuns, so I hadn’t mixed with boys much while growing up.
The only men I really knew were Made Men, and the one thing they all had in common was cruelty.
CHAPTER 12
JESSICA
That afternoon, my mind wandered back to earlier.
Rafael’s kiss had been gentle—unlike what I would have expected from a man like him.
I enjoyed working out with Rafael today. Doing something normal with him made him feel more human to me.
His body was like a machine—refined to perfection. Although no matter how beautiful his body was, I could never forget that his was a soul that fed on violence.
I knew that Rafael thought of me as sullied. Who would want someone like me for a wife, especially in the Mafia world where virginity was the prize awarded to a husband when he married?
Nothing was going to change Rafael’s view of me after what had happened, and I just had to get used to that.
He had accepted me as his wife and not insisted on an annulment, and I had to be thankful for that. If it had gotten out what had happened, the further shame I would have faced would have been unbearable.
That my honor had been taken before my wedding day would mean humiliation, pitying looks, and salacious gossip. I shuddered just thinking of it. And I would be blamed for what had happened; they would say that I led Emanuel on, that I was a tease.
