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We had decided not to tell the twins yet about the engagement contract our father had signed for Nancia. We needed to work out a plan of action and we wanted that in place before we broke the news to Nancia. This morning, however, I wanted to talk to Nate. Missing work and training was not acceptable, even if he was our brother.
We started with gun practice at the shooting range on our estate. I had to admit that Nate was already a great shot. He still had a bit to learn, but I reckoned he would end up being one of our best weapons handlers.
I addressed my younger brother while we reloaded our guns. “I get you don’t like what we do in our line of work. But it’s what you’ve been born into, it’s what we’ve all been born into. None of us have got a choice.”
“Yeah, but why can’t I just walk away if I want to?” asked Nate, in his best sulky-teenager voice.
“Gabriel is Capo and you’re his brother, so there will always be a target on your back. Killing you would be a way of getting revenge against the Capo. It’s kill or be killed in our business. Anyway, Gabriel needs all the support we can give him—he’s our brother and we can’t walk away from him because he needs us. Just like he would never walk away from any of us if we needed him.”
Nate took a deep breath before speaking. “It’s driving me away from Nancia.”
“Look, girls are different from us. We shield them from a lot of what goes on in our world, and they don’t always get what’s at stake and they don’t always understand that violence is necessary.” I looked hard at him. “You need to keep your home life and work life separate, and not let what’s happening at home and with Nancia get in the way of your work and training.”
“What, like you did with Jessica, after all that shit happened when you married her?” said Nate with a hint of insolence in his tone as he referred to my need for revenge after my wedding.
“That was different,” I gritted out. “Jess is my wife.”
“And Nancia is my twin!” he yelled back at me. “You just don’t get it. Everything I do affects her. She feels it deeply.”
I sighed, rubbing my hand over my unshaven chin. “I don’t think she hates you for it,” I suggested.
“Have you seen her face when we talk about killing at the Monday Post-Mortems? She’s disgusted by what we do.” His voice had got quieter, and he was fighting back his emotion.
“What we do is for the business.”
“I get that and I understand that, but it’s driving me away from her. It’s alienating me from her. And I don’t know how to get her to come back to me. It’s putting up a barrier between us, and there’s never been anything like this between us before.”
“Maybe it’s just the inevitable happening as you both grow up?”
“But I never thought that would happen. I never thought I could lose Nancia. Some days I almost wished I wasn’t a twin, that I didn’t have a half of me that I could hurt with my actions.” Nate looked at me with obvious pain in his eyes. “You know I wouldn’t desert Gabriel, but I also need to be there for Nancia—and that’s never going to change.”
***
A few days later, I was getting dressed in the morning when I saw Jess take out a plain black dress.
Is that what you’re wearing tonight? I asked. Tonight was a Società dinner and dance.
She nodded. “Unless you would prefer me to wear another one of my dresses?” she said, uncertainty glazing her soft voice.
I walked into the closet and looked through her other dresses, wincing when I saw how many of them were colored gold, not to mention the sight of the gold shoes that I had seen her wear previously.
Jessica, noticing my reaction, quickly said, “They’re mostly my mother’s choices. The black dress is one I chose myself.”
“You like gold?” I asked.
“What? No, absolutely not.”
“But you were wearing gold shoes when we first met.”
“You remember that?”
“How could I forget? And a lilac dress—the color was beautiful on you.”
She flushed. “I think the black dress is the safest option. I don’t want to draw attention to myself…”
As her voice trailed off, her last words hit me and I realized she might still feel uncomfortable around other people, so I nodded. I wouldn’t pressure her into wearing one of the look-at-me glitzy dresses chosen by her mother.
***
