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“Come on, let’s sit you down for a few minutes. I’ve got another bottle of water you can have as well.” She used the water to rinse her mouth.
As I ran the pad of my thumb over the small frown between her eyebrows, smoothing the line away, she looked at me with big eyes. “I could be pregnant…”
“It’s possible.” I replied. “It’s also possible that you just have an upset stomach.”
Jess’s face fell at my words.
“There’s only one way to know for sure, Jess. Let’s cut our run short, and we can head back to the house so that you can do a pregnancy test.” Jess had stocked up on these and they were sitting in the drawer of our bathroom vanity, waiting to be used.
Jessica turned back toward the house and started to run again.
“Hey, let’s find out whether you’re pregnant or not before we do any more running,” I called. “We can walk back for now.”
“No, let’s run. I want to get back to the house as quickly as possible!” she shouted back over her shoulder as she headed off.
We ran back the normal route to the house and Jessica pushed herself hard. “Slow down, Jess. There’s no rush.” I could easily keep up with her, but I wanted her to take it easy in case she was, in fact, pregnant.
“I want to find out,” she said quickly, anxiety showing across her features.
I wished she wasn’t so obsessed with the idea of having a baby. I didn’t want her to get her hopes up, especially after her bitter disappointment when her period arrived last month.
When we got to the house, we went straight up to the bedroom. She dashed into our bathroom and grabbed a pregnancy test.
I followed her and put my hands on her arms. “Jess,” I said. “I don’t want you to be upset if the test says you’re not pregnant.”
“I know.” She gave me a small smile, though I knew she was putting on a brave face. She really wanted this.
“We haven’t been trying long, and we’ve got all the time in the world. I don’t want you to feel pressure that you have to get pregnant straight away.” I left her in the bathroom to do the test.
A couple of minutes later, she came back out with the white stick.
“How long do we have to wait?” I asked
“It says just a few minutes. And then two lines will come up if I’m pregnant, or one line if I’m not.”
We sat next to each other on the couch at the end of our bed, and I held her hand. “You know I love you, no matter what, Jess.”
She looked at me in surprise. It was the first time I had told her that I loved her. “I love you too, Rafael.”
I was even more surprised than her—that she could love me, a Santino, after what my family had done to her. I wasn’t worthy of her love. She was such a kind, strong, compassionate woman. Every time I thought about what she’d been through, guilt ate away at my conscience.
Not many things made me feel guilty in this life, but when it involved those closest to me, then I was just like any other human being—susceptible to my conscience and to morality.
The thought that she loved me back totally consumed me and gave me a feeling that I’d never had before. I knew my parents and siblings loved me, and they would always love me no matter what I did.
But to have this woman, who I’d only met a couple of months ago, put that trust in me by allowing herself to fall in love with me was an indescribable feeling.
Jessica interrupted my thoughts. “Something’s appearing.” We watched as the test slowly did its thing. I was almost willing it with all my soul to be positive. Ever since Jessica had mentioned wanting a baby, I’d realized how much I wanted one with her—with the woman I loved.
I’d married her because it was expected of me, but now I’d fallen in love with her, and I knew she was the one who could make my life complete. She gave some meaning to my life of violence and death.
“Oh my God, it’s two lines!” shrieked Jess.
For a moment, I was stunned. Although I’d been wishing for it and willing for it to happen, the news still astonished me.
For a moment I couldn’t do anything, then I stood up and swept Jessica to her feet, lifting her up and whirling her around in my arms. “We’re having a baby!” I grinned.
And Jessica laughed her beautiful, soft laugh, and the joy in my heart doubled hearing her. “You better stop spinning me around before I’m sick again,” she giggled.
