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When I had finished, I sank down onto the cold floor and let my tears and humiliation overtake me.
***
The following day I stayed in my bedroom again, sending the maid with a message to say that I was still feeling unwell.
My mother briefly came in to ask how I was, and I pretended to be sleepy. I said little to her while she prattled on that she would have to choose the bridesmaids’ dresses herself, given that I was too unwell to go shopping with her.
That suited me fine—right now I couldn’t think about anything. The only thing I could focus on was trying to keep my mind blank and my memories of yesterday locked away.
***
The next day, I knew I had to get up, get dressed, and act like nothing had happened. I couldn’t bear for anyone to suspect what had happened, and I knew I had to try and carry on as normally as possible if I was to keep what had happened a secret.
Today, the Santino family would be coming to our mansion for the engagement party. My mother was hosting a lavish dinner to celebrate.
All through the day, I wandered around in a daze, not able to focus on anything.
All I could think was that I couldn’t face Rafael Santino or his father tonight.
Yet I had no other option, despite wringing my mind and trying to think of a way to get out of the party.
When it was time to dress for dinner, my mother brought to my bedroom the awful dress she’d chosen.
Over an hour later, I stood in the dress purchased by my mother, with my hair and make-up all done. I already felt horrific after the clinic incident, and this dress was making me feel even worse—if feeling worse was even possible. Inside, I felt broken. When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, all I could see was my shame.
At the appointed time, my mother went down to check on the dining room, while I made my way to the drawing room, where I knew the men would be having drinks while they waited for me. My back was damp with perspiration, yet I felt chilled to the bone.
At the door to the drawing room waited my older brother, Jacob. He was to escort me into the room. Thank God I wouldn’t have to walk in by myself—although I knew that no one, not even Jacob, could protect me from Emanuel Santino.
“Wow, you look…” Jacob paused, unsure of what to say next.
“Ridiculous?” I supplied, not knowing what else to say.
“It’s just that the dress is not really your style.” I could tell Jacob was trying not to hurt my feelings.
I grimaced. “Jake, it’s most definitely not my style.”
“Mother chose it for you?”
“Who else?”
Jacob gave me a sympathetic smile. “We should go in. Rafael and Gabriel are waiting for us.”
I stilled. “And…Emanuel?” My voice sounded strained even to me.
“Emanuel couldn’t make it,” Jacob responded, not picking up on my unease. “Although Rafael’s mother is here.”
I felt a sense of reprieve rush over me—I wouldn’t have to face my attacker today.I would still have to see Rafael, but I knew it was too much to hope he wouldn’t turn up to his own engagement party.
Tears of relief pricked at the back of my eyes as my emotions threatened to bubble to the surface. I had been trying so hard to contain my feelings, to keep my mind and sentiments numb, that this temporary respite caught me off-guard.
As I swept the escaping tears away with my hands, Jacob took me in his arms and gave me a hug. “Hey, Jess, it’s okay. I’ll be by your side tonight and we’ll do this together.” He gave me a reassuring smile, thankfully misunderstanding the cause of my anxiety.
If only he could always be by my side, I thought. But my nightmare at the hands of the Santino family had already begun, and I knew it would only get worse from here on in.
RAFAEL
We stood around in Cecilio Bonardi’s drawing room, drinking whiskey and talking about business while we waited for Jessica to arrive.
