AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“And she’ll let you protect her?”
“I’ve told her she has to, whether she likes it or not. She wants to be able to lead a normal life, but that isn’t possible anymore. At least while she works for us at Matrix and lives over the club, we can keep a close eye on her. And about not wanting anything to do with her—I would love it if she’d let us help her more, but she’s independent and stubborn. She didn’t like me turning up at her mother’s funeral. And I had to say the nurse we hired for her mother was paid for via a church fund.”
“You got a nurse for her mom?” Her eyes widened in astonishment.
“Yeah. She’s our sister. I’ll do whatever I can to help her and take care of her…just like I would have with the baby.”
Jess nodded at me, and I knew she believed me, thank God.
"The baby would have been part ofyou. He or she would have had your sweet soul. And there is no way that I couldn't have loved him or her. Because I love every bit of you, including any child you may ever have."
I couldn’t believe I had made her feel like I didn’t want her to have the baby.
“Christ, I’m sorry, Jess. I’ve messed up everything big time.” My voice was quiet. ”I was angry before,” I admitted, guilt churning up inside me. “My father and the baby were a constant reminder of how I didn’t protect you and how I’d let you down.”
“But what’s happened didn’t change upon your father’s death. It’s still part of me and will always be a part of me.” She was the most serious I had ever seen her. “I’m not the girl you hoped to marry. I’m not the girl who was promised to you. I can’t ever be her. I’m broken.” A silent tear slipped down her cheek.
“I don’t care about that,” I said heatedly. “And you're not broken.Youare the woman I fell in love with—a woman who is not only beautiful, but is also strong, kind, and capable of coping with anything.”
She shook her head. “I don’t feel like I’m coping. Everything is a mess, including us.”
I moved closer to her. “I can help you cope. And you’ll help me cope. Together we can support each other through this—it’s just going to take time.” I took her hand, feeling a desperate need to reassure her and to keep her here with me.
“But it’s not working.” She wiped away another tear. “We’ve tried and it’s not working. Once the marriage is annulled, we can both move on,” she said softly.
“I don’t want to move on.” My voice was firm.
“What?” Jess’s brow furrowed in confusion. She didn’t understand—and that was my fault. I had stopped communicating with her and stopped supporting her, and I felt remorse wash over me that I hadn’t been there for her.
“I want to stay here. I want to stay in this marriage with you, Jess. This was an arranged marriage. In our world, we don’t get to date our perspectives spouses. We don’t get to know each other before the wedding, and we don’t get to become friends first. Instead, we’re expected to wed a stranger and have sex with that stranger on our first night together to fulfil the virgin confirmation tradition. Hell, most Mafia couples have sex before they’ve even had a real conversation with each other.”
“I don’t understand…” Jess murmured.
I slowly stroked her palm with the pad of my thumb. “With us, because of what happened, we did get to become friends first before anything else happened between us. Once I got to know you, I fell in love with you. And if you let me, I want us to move onto the marriage and family part when you’re ready.”
“You want a real marriage with me? And a family with me?”
“Yes. I’ll wait as long as you need me to. You don’t have to worry or be scared about that side of things.” I wouldn’t rush her into having sex or even another baby until she was fully okay. “I won’t touch you until you’re ready for that.”
I needed her to know how serious I was about all of this. “I know you can never forget what my family has done to you, but I want to try and make new, happy memories together.”
“But…you’ve been angry at me, after I couldn’t decide on the termination and tried to go see Juliana.”
“I was angry because it was too dangerous for you to meet with her when we're at war with rival organizations. I was angry because I love you. I was angry because you were hurting and I couldn’t give you the support you needed.”
“But you’ve supported me all through this.”
I shook my head fiercely. “No, I didn’t—because I didn’t know how to support you.”
“I guess all I needed was for you to be there with me, to make the decision together with me, to be on the same team as me.” Her face was so open and honest.
“I’ve screwed this up so badly. I was so busy being angry at what my father did to you, at the pregnancy he had forced upon you, at the way that he was still hurting you even though he’s dead. I was so angry about those things that I couldn’t see that I was hurting you too, by not being there for you when you needed me.”
She bit her lip as she thought about what I’d just said. “That’s all I wanted—for you to be there for me.”
“I’m sorry, Jess, for everything my family has done to you, but more for everything I have put you through. When we married, I was serious when I vowed to be there for you through good times and bad, and I know I’ve failed you in not living up to that promise. I wasn’t there for you when things got bad, and I am so sorry for that.”
“I need a marriage where we can talk about everything together, like we are right now. I can’t do this with you if you shut me out.” Her eyes were soft as she spoke.
