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“Whatever it takes?” I question, needing to just ask this before I explode inside.
“Yes. Anything.”
Well, it’s now or never I guess.
“Even if that anything is having you as well as someone else.”
He flinches away from me as if I smacked him, and I have my answer. I think my heart actually fractures in my chest.
“Why would you want another man?” His guard is already up, his tone accusatory.
“Just forget it. It was just a stupid question.”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I know they aren’t true. It wasn’t stupid, and I needed to know. He gets in my face, pulling my chin up in his grip and forcing me to look at him.
“It sure as fuck wasn’t just a question, now tell me what other man do you want?”
I shake my head in his grip, not wanting to tell him, but afraid he can already see the truth in my eyes. His fingers push in, and I’m about to hurt him back if he doesn’t draw back really freaking fast.
“It’s him, isn’t it?Havoc.”
And just like that, my world feels like it comes crashing down around me. I don’t give him an answer. I don’t have to. Without a word, he pushes my face away from him, picks up his shirt, puts it on, and the door slams behind him.
Tears stream down my face as I curl into myself. This is not how everything was supposed to happen. My phone screen lights up beside my bed; I answer it as I sit up and wipe away my tears.
“Hey, Mom,” I say with my voice cracking. Now I’m crying for a whole new reason. “Are you guys safe?”
“We are, although your father is faking a heart attack after seeing a man in your bed.” She smiles, and it helps my heart feel lighter.My family is okay.
“Tell him I’m sorry about that.” My mother waves her hand at the screen in dismissal.
“He’s fine. Now, tell me about that man because, from the view I just got, things look pretty serious.”
“They were,” I admit. A fresh wave of shame and regret hit me with the force of a plane falling out of the sky.
“Talk to me, my love.”
So, I tell her everything. About how perfect Arrow is and how gentle he can be with me. I tell her how protective he tries to be even when he knows I’m fully capable. When I’m with him, I feel safe. Then, I tell her about Havoc. How he took me by surprise. How he makes me feel strong, empowered.
Then, I tell her how Arrow reacted and how he walked out on me the second I told him my truth. I didn’t realize how good it would feel to get it all off my chest. But when I finish, and my mother gives me that soft look that only mothers can give, I feel a little better.
“He will come around, my love. If he truly cares for you then he will have to.”
She continues to encourage me and when she hangs up, the hurt comes back so fierce that I know I won’t survive it if he never comes back to me.
I need someone who I can talk this through with, someone who will understand all of it. So, I call on the one person I know would never judge me.
Chapter 41
My phone rings and I swear I have to crawl through a mountain of muscle to get it. Sleeping with three guys is great until you wake up and have to pee or answer your phone. No more falling asleep to playing solitaire or sudoku. Nope, I fall asleep in a sandwich of hot breaths and needy hands.
I’m not complaining about it, exactly. Just saying that sometimes a girl needs a little space.
“Everything okay?” Damien asks as he helps me roll over to grab the phone blaring on the nightstand. Lev and Alexi are still sleeping like rocks.
“I don’t know.” I see it’s Laney then notice it’s three in the morning. “It’s Laney.”
“Is someone in the house?” he asks, sitting up in a panic. I look at him and roll my eyes.
