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“I was so afraid you would find out it was me,” she says as tears fill her eyes. But she doesn’t get to cry here.
“Get the fuck out,” I warn.
“Please, please let me explain. He had my sister. He…”
“GET OUT!”
Lev walks in holding two coffees, confusion crossing his face the second he sees how worked up I am. “Get the fuck out before I tell them all what you did.”
My chest is heaving, pain splintering down the center as if my heart were physically breaking. I have nowhere to run, nothing I can do to let this hurt not consume me fully. Laney is still sitting next to me when I lash out to hit her, but Lev stops me.
“Lucky Charm,” he says, making me realize what I’m about to do as the girl who was my very first friend flinches under the weight of my raised hand. Part of me feels bad because this isn’t me, and the look that she gives me only makes everything hurt more.
“Get. The fuck. OUT!”
She finally listens, turning to scurry out of the room. A massive headache erupts behind my eyes and burns so bright I honestly wish I would have just died from that stab wound.
Is there a single fucking person in the world I can actually trust right now?
Damien comes in right after Laney walks out and if I thought I wanted to be dead before, the hollow look he gives me only solidifies the feeling. Lev said he was in a shit mood, and he definitely took this all the worst, but the bags under his eyes and the annoyance in his posture sets my teeth on edge.
“Just get it over with,” I say through gasps. “Yell, hit me, I don’t fucking care but you donotget to look at me likethat.” The look of hatred and indifference in his eyes makes me want to stab myself again because that pain is so much less than the one I’m feeling now.
Lev gets into the bed beside me, running a hand through my hair and trying to help me calm down. But there’s one more monster I have to fight before I can try to rest, and that’s Damien.
“I’ll look at you however the fuck I want,” Damien says with a childish demeanor. It’s funny that the one man who kept telling us to face our fears and emotions is the one who's running from his own faster than the speed of light.
“What do you want?” Lev asks, ignoring the way Damien’s staring at me.
“Doc said you were on some meds and something isn’t lining up with your blood work, he asked me to go get them. Where are they?” He looks at me when he asks but his eyes look distant, as if he’s not even in the same room as us.
“I keep them all on my dresser, you know that.” He’s not only seen me take them, but I don’t hide them.
He nods then leaves the room, dismissing me without a second thought. I don’t know what you’re supposed to feel when you just found out that your friend has been lying to you, your uncle has basically been using and torturing you your entire life, and then one of the men you love treats you like you’re nothing more than the dirt on his shoes, but it’s no doubt the worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life, and I survived a fucking prison camp. I’m so sick of hurting, so sick of crying and feeling that I wish I could shut it all off.
“You need to relax, Lucky Charm. This is all a lot. You don’t need to have it figured out right now. D is angry, but he will come around. He just needs time. And so do you.”
I nod and lean back into him. Now that everything’s out in the open, it’s easier to let him comfort me. I can accept that he cares now, because I feel like I’ve actually earned it. So, I let him wrap me in his arms and hold me tight. I let myself fall into his peace because knowing that he loves me is all I need to close my eyes and believe that maybe one day it won’t feel like this. Maybe one day it won’t all be this goddamned hard.
Chapter 4
Seeing her only made the anger and resentment worse. Alexi updated me on everything that’s been happening, all the realizations. But when I saw Lev get in that bed with her, cozying up to her like she isn't a little snake who's been going behind our backs for months, my brain short-circuited.
I don’t want to be a dick to her or to the man I love, but shit has gotten so complicated I feel like I can’t even think anymore. When Doc approached me with a task, I felt relieved. That is, until I had to talk to her. I wouldn’t tell anyone this, but the thought of going into her room and getting her meds without her knowledge felt wrong, I just had to ask. Then it all went to shit.
That’s what I’m thinking about as I wrench open our suite door and slam it shut behind me. I go right to her room but stop in the doorway when her scent assaults me.
\I’m the more sensitive one of the group, even more so than Lev, and I do my damn hardest not to show it. But the smell of her just reminds me of how I forced her to her knees in front of me. And her words afterward ring through my head louder than a bell tower pinging as you stand right next to it.
“You reminded me that men only want one thing from me, and in the end, you turned out to be no better than the rest of them.”
My chest aches because she was right. I was hurt, Iamhurt, and instead of asking or even begging to understand like I so desperately wanted to, I did the one thing to her that I knew would hurt the most. Itook.
Fresh tears fall from my eyes as I invade her space, I know where her meds are on her dresser so I grab the two bottles. But then I remember the one she keeps in the bathroom by the sink. It’s the one that’s supposed to help her with her night terrors.
I walk to the sink and the smell of everything changes.
Some people may say it’s because I’m the one who kills people, but that’s not the reason I know that metallic scent in the air. I know that smell better than anything because I held Evie’s half-dead body against me as she bled for over an hour. Then after she was stitched up, I wiped it all down as best I could. I don’t think I will ever forget the smell of iron and water on her flesh.
