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“I think we should make it a surprise, then have to guess after we all open them!” She nearly jumps out of her seat with the idea, and I burst out in laughter, loving how much lighter everything feels.
“Whatever you want, Lucky Charm.” When I pass the cup around, Alexi hesitates, seeming not to love the idea until he pulls out a name that makes him change his mind. Damien bounces on the couch with Evie in excitement as they discuss where they want to go shopping.
Laney and Havoc both pick names too, and the face Laney makes when she sees her name makes the girl nearly glow in excitement.
“Do we all have to wear the shirts we receive?” Laney asks. I get the feeling she’s planning something devious so I obviously must play along.
Evie moves over to sit by her friend again as she talks. “Let's say we have to wear them on our first day back on the island?”
“No,” Alexi interjects. I know clothing matters to him. Certain textures can bother him, and then there’s his whole issue with control. He may have gotten more relaxed and started wearing the casual sweats with tank tops along with Damien and me, but the brands are specific and thread count is important.
Fuck, I should have thought about this more. I’ll have to make sure I find out who has him so they can know what he needs specifically.
“Come on, Batman. You can trade out your dark night costume for one day, right?”
Evie gives him pouty eyes, but Alexi just looks angry. Instead of answering her, he gets up to leave and Evie’s face falls. I walk over to her and press my lips to hers for a moment before whispering, “I’ll go talk to him. Stay and start a new movie, we will be back in a few minutes.”
I hate how it only took a single act for her to look stressed out and bothered again. I know Alexi didn’t do it on purpose, but I don’t like that he acts like this without thinking sometimes.
I walk out to the hall and find him pacing behind the pool house. His hands are fisted in his now longer black hair. I watch him as he struggles with this, trying to think of how to help him. When he lets out a sigh and presses his forehead to the pool house door, I walk out to meet him.
“Hey man,” I try to say gently, but it still startles him.
“Why would you do that? You know me. You know I can’t handle wearing a lot of things. Much less something I have no control over. Why would you do this?” The panic and pain in his eyes makes me pause.
I’ve never seen Alexi in a panic like this and I’m honestly not sure what to do. He’s finally starting to open up to us more, and I feel like if we don’t fix this now, he’s going to shut us out again.
“I’m sorry. I was thinking more about something that would make Evie happy. I didn’t even consider this could affect you this way. I knew you were particular, but I didn’t realize it was quite so important to you. I swear, I didn’t do this to hurt you.”
“I know you didn’t, Lev, it’s just…” He hits the brick by the door and recoils with pain. “Fuck. It’s like this.”
He throws his hands in the air like I’m supposed to know what that means.
“It doesn’t make sense. I’m fucked up, Lev. More than even you know. I can’t control this part of me. I can’t make it go away. I’m a disaster. She’s never going to want me when she sees this.”
“How about,” Evie says, walking around the side of the house, “you let me be the judge of that.” Alexi instantly gives Evie his back, as if he could hide from what she’s already heard him say.
She puts her hand on his shoulder as she turns him to face her. “Look at me,” she commands softly, taking his bleeding hand in hers. “We all have our damage, and I see you, Alexi.”
His shoulders soften, and he melts into her touch as she looks over his hand.
“I see all of you; I have since the first day I met you. I know exactly the kind of man you are. I know who you fight for and why you fight. I know your struggles, and I know your pain. I know your loss, and I know your heart.” She places a hand over his chest, and his breathing begins to slow.
“I will never ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, and I will never expect you to do something for me that hurts you. So if this is too much, you just have to tell me. I can’t read your mind, Batman. Talk to me.”
He gently takes her hand off his chest and kisses it. The panic in his eyes subsides while he inhales one more breath. He pulls her close, caging her to him. His eyes meet mine, and what I’ve been saying all along passes over his lips.
Balance.
“I want to do this,” Alexi says after a few minutes of silence. “But whoever picked my name just needs to know the kind of shirts I wear and the materials that bother me. Is that okay?”
Evie leans back in his arms, pushing up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Whatever you need, Batman.”
I don’t want to linger there, so I give them their moment, happy to know we’ve found the missing piece to our puzzle. If she can help Alexi, then she’s even more perfect for us than I thought.
“Everything good?” Damien asks as I sit back down on the couch in the movie room. I nod and pull him close to me, needing to feel his warm body against mine. Laney and Havoc are pressed against each other under a blanket, and the new movie comes on the screen just as Alexi and Evie come back into the room.
Evie grabs another round of snacks for everyone, throwing half the bags of chips at Damien while he pretends to be a receiver catching a touchdown. We all fall back into that state of ease and when the movie ends and Evie is sleeping soundly in my arms, we decide to stay for a while after Laney and Havoc go to bed.
