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“Do you not want to talk to her?”
If she’s causing him stress or any issues he can find someone else. Damien might like her, but if she makes Alexi as uncomfortable as he’s acting right now, I don’t want him talking to her.
Alexi tilts his head, seeming to see where my thoughts are going as he pushes himself up.
“No, I really love talking to her; she’s great at making me see things in a different light and not making me feel bad about my anger.”
Well now I’m confused.
“I was going to ask you if you wanted to talk to her with me, like a joint session?”
He speaks so soft and quiet I think I almost imagine the words. My thoughts go to the last session I had. How the therapist rolled her eyes when I talked about the night terrors. It made me feel like a child with a stupid nightmare that I just need to get over.
“Your dreams are just that, dreams. When your eyes open it’s over. So there’s no point in holding onto them or letting them define your day.” The woman in a pantsuit and spiky red heels says to me, looking down her nose at me in what feels like an attempt to make me feel small.
“But that’s the thing, it’s not a dream, it was real. It happened to me, and I don’t know how to let it go.” My chest aches at having to relive this with her, seeing the way she looks at me. I already know I’m broken. I don’t need her to point that out. I need her help.
“Reliving the past doesn’t help you move forward either. Find your reason to move on. You want revenge, so focus on that, only that, and let the bad memories stay in the past where they belong.”
I can already tell I’m not getting anywhere with her, I’ll have to hang up this call feeling worse, then find a way to convince my uncle to get me a new therapist.
Her eyes soften just a little, seeming to see the attitude in my eyes.
“Look, you’re still taking your medications, right?” she questions gently.
“Yes.” I nod with my head down. I’m a fully-fledged assassin and when I talk to this woman, I feel smaller than an ant under her deadly heel.
“Give them time to start working, let them show you how to focus your anger into one thing, one task, then use that to make you feel better again. Find a purpose and cling to it. Cling to your revenge so that once you claim it, no one will believe you’re a scared little girl anymore.”
Alexi notices the change in me and takes my hand in his, bringing me back to the present. I let out a shuddering breath and try not to let that broken girl rise to the surface. But she’s always there, just beneath the shadows I let coat my skin, to convince myselfI’mthe monster that should be feared.
“It was stupid, I’m sorry for bringing it up.” Alexi kisses my hand and moves to get off the bed.
“No medications,” I say, making the decision to truly trust them.
Alexi freezes with the blankets half off him. If they think this woman can help me, then I really want to try. “No medications, and if she makes me feel like an idiot or scolds me in any way, I’m walking out.”
“Are you sure?” The shock in his voice is clear, and I find I really enjoy taking him by surprise.
“You’ll be there, right?”
“Always,” he vows. The sincerity in it is so deep I know in my soul I can trust him.
“Then I trust you.”
???
The call starts up as Alexi and I get comfortable on the bed with his computer in his lap. I’m curled into his side and my heart rate kicks up with each ring. Alexi threads his fingers through mine, calming some of my nerves.
A kind looking woman with soft blue eyes answers a moment later. “I’m so sorry, Alexi. I spilled my coffee all over my desk and needed a moment to wipe it up.”
She moves some of the hair away from her face as her kind eyes seem to settle on me.
“Hello, Evie, sorry it took me a moment to answer. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
I give her a soft smile.
“Hello,” I say, but I can’t seem to think of much more to add so I just look at Alexi.
