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It's a black/gray shirt that says ‘from the bottom of my heart’ with a large heart on the front, but she moves it closer to the camera at the same time she lets out a bark of laughter. We all lean in to read, and in the bottom of the heart, it says ‘fuck you’.
We all laugh. I’m next, and I show them all the shirt Havoc got me. Evie grins at me like she knows something I don’t, and I can’t help but wonder if she helped Havoc pick it out.
Evie goes next. The moment her eyes land on the heather gray shirt she starts cracking up and punches Lev next to her. ‘Death by pineapple pizza’ is written across the front with a giant slice of pineapple pizza. Lev smirks but doesn’t give anything away as he moves to open his. He pulls out a navy blue shirt that says ‘hack me if you can’.
The laughter we share during this exchange is something I’ve never felt, even when I was surrounded by my family. It’s something so pure and genuine. I look around to see the faces of the family I chose for myself, tears burning the backs of my eyes because it reminds me that so much of my heart is still missing from this day. I haven’t talked to my family in a while now, and I miss them dearly.
I clear my throat to distract myself from the tears just as Alexi opens his shirt. His face pales slightly before he holds it up and he locks eyes with Evie who is already giggling like a schoolgirl, totally giving herself away. ‘DADDY’ is written in large block letters across the shirt. Alexi takes a moment to examine the material in what feels like a very particular way. He only tips a smile once he seems to find what he’s looking for.
Boris goes next, and the smile that screws up his face seems rare based on the way Alexi openly gapes at him. ‘#1 Mafia Boss’ is written on a cutoff gym tank. Boris stands up to model it, holding it up to his chest and pretending to flex for us. Evie literally rolls over in laughter, nearly falling off the couch.
“Since Havoc isn’t here, I took a picture of the shirt I got him,” Alexi says and passes his phone around to show us a picture of Havoc holding up his shirt that reads ‘feeling stabby’ on it with some throwing blades around it like a border. Evie lights up when she sees it.
“That’s actually perfect for him,” Evie says, handing Alexi back his phone. He seems to glow under her praise. He takes his phone back before lifting Evie into his arms and sitting in her spot with her on his lap.
“You’re last,” Alexi calls to Damien. Damien makes a show of unwrapping his box and glitter falls out as he pulls the shirt up to his chest. It takes a moment for everyone to read what it says, but I already know because I had it specifically made just for him.
‘All you need is pain, lust, and a little bit of bitchy dust’ is written in swirly letters on a bright pink shirt. At the bottom, there’s a small pouch of glitter he can open and sprinkle others with. I wanted us to make an entrance when we came back, and I feel like we have all moved past this fear-based ruling. People need to know that they can come to their leaders, and the Kings need a way to bridge the gap. I have a strong feeling Damien will do just that.
After everyone composes themselves and Damien has dumped half the glitter on us, we begin the guessing game. Damien guesses me right away. I tell them Havoc brought me mine before he left. Alexi guesses Evie and kisses her for way too long while she whispers in his ear something I am very sure my ears do not need to ever hear.
As we go around the room: Nessa admits to having Lev, Boris confirms Nessa, and Damien had Boris’ name. Evie clearly knew Lev got hers. And she’s refusing to wear it on the first day while we all remind her she has to.
I’ve never seen Evie smile like this before. All of the posturing and needing to be the strongest person in the room isn’t sitting at the surface. It’s just a girl with her family, having the Christmas she deserves.
As things die down and the guys begin cleaning up, Evie comes to sit by me as we drink a fresh cup of coffee.
“This was perfect,” Evie says, and I lean close to her.
“It really was.”
“Sooooo,” she says, side eyeing me. “Havoc came to see you this morning?”
Did he tell her he planned to kiss me?
“Yup,” I say with a shrug, not willing to say much more yet because I don’t understand it.
It’s all a mess, really. I mean, I may have some feelings for Havoc, but I didn’t know he felt anything back for me. The gifts and cuddles have just been like a friend, right? I don’t know. Alexi said these men were in love with me. I thought it was just to rattle me, but now I’m starting to think maybe the jerk had a point.
I see how Evie is with her guys and they all seem to click, but I don’t think it can be that way for me. Havoc and Arrow don’t seem like they could come to terms with sharing, and I know in the end I’ll have to break part of my heart by choosing. I don’t want to say that out loud yet though. It makes the pain too real.
Training with Havoc and getting to see how gentle and sweet he can be with me has been the reset I really needed to get my head back in the game. I craved for someone to believe in me and teach me to be better without judgment. I needed someone who believed I was strong and forced me to see that side of myself. Arrow always wants to protect me, to throw himself in front of me. But Havoc understands that I’m not someone to sit in the background during it all. I may not like the blood, but that doesn’t mean I want to be left out of the loop because of danger.
My phone buzzes in my plush pink robe. I pull it out to find a text from Arrow, only furthering my confusion.
Arrow: Merry Christmas, baby girl, I’ll give you your gift when you get back. I can’t wait to see you.
I want to reply but hesitate long enough that Evie leans over and reads the message.
“It’s okay, you know,” she says, nudging my arm. I pocket my phone without responding.
“What’s okay?” I ask, playing the oblivious girl I so often resort to.
“To like both of them.”
She says it with such finality, like that’s just how it is, and all is still right with the world while my heart rips itself into two pieces for two different men. Two different men that are way too old for me.
Evie tilts her head towards her guys who have started a wrapping paper war that closely mimics a snowball fight. “They never made me pick because I think they knew I couldn’t. Maybe it can be like that for you too.”
