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I sighed. “You can come in, Deus.”
Ayla shot me a look.
“I don’t need him airing our dirty laundry for the whole hall to hear,” I muttered.
“Well, I’m staying here.” Ayla got up and put her hands on her hips. “I’ve got your back, bestie.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I’d just opened my heart to her as a friend, and she’d already decided we were best friends. Give an inch, and Ayla would take a mile.
Deus let himself in and my fingers clutched my throat at the sight of his pale, gray skin. He wasn’t glowing, not even a little. Without that magic, his skin had become more lackluster than that of a mortal. His eyes, though, were so blue it hurt to look at them.
I wished I could disappear into the depths of the sea, and for a moment, I considered diving under my blanket. But it was time to face Deus.
It was time to be open about my feelings.
Allof them.
Deus stared at me, then the corner of his mouth quirked up in the tiniest of smiles. “I liked talking back to you. It felt good.”
I blinked, and even Deus looked a little surprised at himself. Maybe it wasn’t too late for him to learn to say no and stand up for what he wanted after all.
Ayla was less than impressed and glared at Deus, her eyes glowing. “That’s your opening line, Casanova?”
“Seta, I hate confrontation. I hate making people mad, but I love making people happy. Yesterday was hard because I was between two people I cared about and I just wanted to smooth things out.” Deus put his hand on the back of his neck. “I watched you leave and wanted to tell you to come back. I wanted to take you back to my place and wait until the argument blew over. But I realized I can’t do that all the time, nor can I ‘nice’ my way into creating a perfect world. I have to say no sometimes. Yesterday, I said no to Ezric.” Deus swallowed hard and met my eyes. “And today I have to say no to you.”
He was supposed to be mine.
I knew it was true, even though I’d been adamant in denying it.
A yawning emptiness opened in the pit of my belly, threatening to drag me down. I wanted to scream from the pain, but no sound came out. A fresh wave of tears threatened to break to the surface, and I let them come.
I’d decided to let those I cared about in… to let them see the real me. So I let Deus see me as I was. Crying silently, I stared unseeing at my blanket as I waited for him to leave.
“No, Seta. I don’t want to be your casual fling. And no, I don’t want to avoid labels. I want to be your boyfriend… and more. You don’t have to say yes to me, but if you only want sex, you’re going to have to find it with someone else.”
My eyes met his, struggling to understand. Was he breaking up with me, or trying to keep me?
A golden shimmer ran over his skin. “I want to walk you home from class and tuck you into bed. I want to take you on midnight boat rides and swims. I want to build clouds for you and have a real picnic on the lawn. I want you to read my favorite books and listen to my favorite songs. I want to fall asleep on the couch with you in my arms… without having any sex at all—” Deus paused. “I’m sorry, I’m making you uncomfortable.”
The last was said to Ayla, whose expression had gone from murderous to gleeful.
“You are definitelynot,” she said, pressing her hands together and shifting her weight from foot to foot.
I knew her well enough to know she was barely containing her excitement.
“I guess I’m finished anyway.” He looked back at me, his eyes blazing in a way that made my skin burn. “I always thought that helping people would help the whole world. Now I realize by doing that, I’m exhausting myself. It’s time I stop failing the one person who truly matters to me. That’s you, Seta. If you’ll let me.”
Yes,my heart quivered.
But there was something I needed to know first. “What about Ezric?”
Lightning crackled through Deus’ eyes. “He tried to tell me what you were, but I made it clear I didn’t care. I told him he shouldn’t care, either. Ezric wasn’t happy when I told him to get his stuff and get out. I think we both saw a different side of each other, and even if you don’t want to be together, I can’t be his friend until he shows he truly wants to change. I can’t save him if he doesn’t want to be saved.”
His glow had grown stronger as his voice became more determined. Now he leaned against the door, the nervousness replaced by a confident sense of resolve.
My broken heart began to weave itself back together.
Deus had just given up his friendship with Ezric, a childhood friend, with no guarantee that he’d end up with me. And he was willing to walk away from me if I couldn’t accept his terms.
