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He’s over me, or at least getting over me. And that’s exactly what I wanted. I need him to move on and forget about me. Forget everything we shared.
I let him fall for me. I saw it happening and I should’ve stopped it sooner. He liked me from the very beginning, and I knew he did. We should’ve never started anything. Not when there were already feelings involved.
I don’t deserve his love. He deserves someone that can love him back. Not someone too emotionally damaged to notice what could be the start of something great.
Soon, it’ll all be behind us. Just like the rest of this school and everything that happens in it. Six more months and then… I have no idea. I figured I’d try to find a place near Hannah. and work on getting my masters from there.
I want to work with children without families or families that need support. That’s the goal. I need to focus on myself to reach those goals. And then I can forget Luca. It’s the hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to do, but it’s for the best.
The best scenario for both of us.
Two hours later and it’s all pushed to the back of my mind.
The cabin has three bedrooms, and the girls promised I’d get my own. Penny and Callie share one room while Renna and Dani share the other one.
The drinking starts as soon as we get settled in, but I’d need a lot more than I’m willing to drink to wipe all my memories away for good. A haze for tonight will have to do.
Chapter 30
Luca
Seeing Kandace again was a lot harder and easier than I thought it’d be.
Any mention of us, along with her fake apology, hurt again, as if my heart could break any more than it already has. But at the same time, it was so easy to be us and talk as if we never stopped being friends. As if nothing has changed. As if she didn’t rip my heart out of my chest and tear it to shreds.
It’s my own fault.
I was in love with her the moment I first saw her, and I knew she didn’t feel the same. She told me many times that we weren’t a couple. She told me it was just casual. We had an end date, and she gave me no pretenses of anything more. And yet, I still held out hope that she’d change her mind.
I’m a fool for thinking anything could change her. Kandace is a force of life. She knows exactly what she wants and once her mind is set, there’s nothing that will stop her. It’s one of the many reasons why I love her so much.
Penny and Callie’s Instagram has been going nonstop with stories of their night so far. Them all getting to the cabin. Kandi, already taking charge of organizing their food and drinks for the weekend.
Shot after shot.
Several martinis.
Card games they’ve been playing.
I can’t stop looking to make sure no guys show up. I tell myself it’s to make sure they’re all ok. But what could happen when they’re safe inside a cabin?
There’s an urge in my gut to make sure she’s ok. Not physically, but emotionally.
She hides her feelings well, but that night I saw her vulnerability. It has nothing to do with me, but it’s there. No matter how much she pushes me away, I won’t stop caring about her, and something is off. Her walls are up and she appears like everything is fine, but I see through that shit.
She’s hurting and won’t let anyone in to know why. She may have laid the bricks back up, but she forgot the spackle and I see through all those holes in her brick armor.
The next story is out the cabin window of the snow falling.
I’ve been checking the weather on and off. It’s going to be bad. They’re calling for a blizzard and white out conditions, but the girls will be safe in the cabin.
Those cabins are built to withstand the storms. And hopefully, the other students had the same idea they did and got up the mountain early. This ski event should never have been scheduled this weekend.
Coach forbade any of the hockey team from participating. They do it every year as an excuse to drink and ski down the slopes, completely blitzed out of their minds. There’s always at least one injury. There’s always one stupid guy that tries a stunt he’s never done before after having way too many beers.
The proceeds go to a charity, but it’s not worth our careers to get hurt like that. Instead, we pool together a donation to give them. It allows us to keep safe and still give to the local charities the school tries to help out.
I fall asleep with my phone in my hand. It’s not even five when it starts ringing from an unknown number.
