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I leave without them even noticing me before I do something I’ll regret.
I went home to my loft to find Alex in bed watching a movie with earbuds in. He didn’t even notice I walked in. I hope the guy’s not watching porn. We have rules and times allocated for that.
To be safe, I throw his sock from the floor over the curtain that separates our beds and onto his lap.
“Hey!” He jumps and takes his earbuds out. “I thought you’d be out with that mystery girl again tonight?”
I told him about the whole blind date thing and that I hit it off with the mystery girl, but I didn’t mention who it was or any real details.
“Nah, I hit up a lame frat party. It was a bust. Do you want to go running early?”
“I need to hit the gym tomorrow too. I skipped tonight.” He motions to his loungewear and beer can on the nightstand. I also note the hidden bag of snacks, and there’s probably a lot more hidden somewhere.
This look on him had started a couple of weeks ago when we first came for training. He’s depressed that his girl blew him off again.
I haven’t been the best roommate. When Nick and Greg shared the loft, they used to have late night heart to hearts all the time. We’ve been roomies for over a year now and I need to do better. I’ve been worrying about my own shit and completely ignoring Alex’s problems.
I found myself preoccupied last semester. My brother's illness, and ultimately his death, caused me to withdraw from my team. I wasn’t in the best frame of mind and I might not be here next semester, depending on how this one goes. So far, not great. I don’t care about getting my degree, and I’m lucky I’m not failing. Hockey is the only thing for me, so if that call comes, I’m taking my shot.
I need to be here for my team as much as I can now because after my junior year, I’m done. And that call may come even sooner.
“You didn’t see Kylie tonight?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
Alex perks up and sits on the edge of his bed, happy to have someone to talk to.
“No, I don’t get it.” I wait as he runs his hand through his thick, dark hair. “It’s like she’s pulling away. I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m not really the best at relationships.” It’s no secret, I haven’t had a steady girlfriend since middle school. Even then, I wasn’t exactly a good boyfriend. “But have you tried talking to her about it? Isn’t that what couples do?”
“Yeah, I’ve asked her what’s wrong, but the answer is always nothing. I should just confront her.” His eyebrows furrow in a deep thought. “Demand that she tells me what’s going on.”
“Maybe.” I shrug, not knowing how to handle that kind of situation. I’m not sure cornering her and demanding her to speak is the best way, but I’m not a relationship expert like Alex. “Whatever happens, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks.” He lays back down to contemplate it more and I go to the bathroom to avoid talking about it.
I’m not good at this shit. I should ask if he has any advice for me with Kandi. Alex has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for over two years and they seemed really solid until a few weeks ago.
By the time I get out, Alex had turned over and was now sound asleep. I’ll ask for his advice in the morning. We can talk about our relationships on the way to the gym. Or I can give Nick a call. He said I could call him for anything. He and Holt told me to reach out if I needed them, but they’re both busy playing in the pros and, on top of that, Holt has a newborn. I don’t think they meant to call them about my issue of how to get a girl to give me a chance.
Alex lets out a snore, and I glance at him through the hole in our sheet divider as he tosses around in his sleep.
I should tell Lenny about her brother. She asked me to keep an eye on Alex. She asked every one of her friends to do the same, but I’m his roommate. I’m the most responsible for him, and I’ve done a shit job of it.
Lying awake in bed, I think about Kandi. A part of me always hoped it was just an infatuation. A case of wanting something I can’t have, because I chickened out the first time. I figured if I only had her just once, it would be enough, and that's what I told Willa when she asked whether I had feelings for Kandi. Willa doesn’t miss much unless it has to do with her boyfriend, but with me she doesn’t miss anything.
I lied and said it was nothing. Kandi rejecting me was a challenge, and I never backed down from a challenge, but I was lying to myself.
Desperately hoping his ache in my chest would go away, and she’d just be another one-night stand because I had to have her.
Nope.
That was hopeful thinking, because this girl has ruined me. I don’t even want to think about other women. She’s it.
If I can’t have her, there will be no one else.
My parents have been together their entire lives, and I always knew I’d be the same. That once I foundthe one, no one else would do.
Kandace is my forever.
