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“Oh, there’s more.”
I throw myself on the bed next to him, waiting to hear how much worse this night could’ve gone, but he doesn’t give me anything.
“It sucks, right? Not knowing what happened? Not knowing if you hurt someone or said something, you didn’t mean. Maybe that someone hates you now because of something you did while you were drunk. Wouldn’t you love to know what you could’ve done so you can make it better?”
What is he getting at?
“Tell me why you hate me,” he begs, holding my hand.
When did he take my hand? I try to pull away, but he grips it tighter, lacing our fingers together.
“Please, tell me. Earlier you told me I said you’d never be loved. Is that true? Did I say that? Is that why you won’t look me in the eye?”
The pounding in my head is growing. I really don’t want to have this conversation with him. Not in the state I’m in, and not ever. I’m not someone that talks about personal shit, and I’m definitely not going to start that with Luca.
“If I said that, I didn’t mean it. I don’t think that at all. Anyone could easily fall in love with you. Shit…” He pauses and my eyes shoot open to see Luca uncomfortably scratching the back of his head, ready to make a confession.
Is he about to say what I think he’s about to say? How did my drunken actions turn into this? This is not the time to profess his little crush on me comes from some deep-rooted feelings. No matter how true he thinks they are.
“I don’t know why I’d say that.” He shakes his head, doubting he’d ever say the words he truly did say. “Fuck, if I did, it came from jealousy of seeing you with someone else.”
“Stop,” I beg. Not wanting to hear it.
It doesn’t matter what he said then or what he says now. It changes nothing between us or how I live my life.
“No.” He squeezes my hand. “I think you’re amazing. You’re smart, funny, and beautiful. Anyone would be lucky to have your love. I don’t see how anyone wouldn’t be able to fall in love with you. From the first moment I saw you, I–”
“Luca. Stop. Just stop.” I can’t listen to this anymore. Not from him. My chest clenches tight as I pull away from him, standing so he can’t feel me shaking.
It wasn’t his words that hurt me that night. It was how much I believed them and how true they were. Apologizing like this will not change the crushing feeling I felt when he struck the chord of my deepest fear. I’m over it. I’ve been over it. It doesn’t matter anymore.
I can’t get into that, not now, and not with Luca.
Luca wants to say it, but I won’t let him. It’s not real. He doesn’t know me and I hardly know him. Whatever he’s feeling is an infatuation. A fatal attraction, destined to hurt us both.
“I’m sorry if I led you on tonight. We shouldn’t have hooked up again. Even last time was too much.” I can’t let him think I’m developing any kind of feelings for him.
Luca huffs visibly upset as he finishes putting on his shoes before standing to throw his shirt on. Abruptly pushing down the hem as I try to avert my eyes.
God, his body is amazing. I want to rub myself all over it, but that’s what got us into this mess.
“Luca, it’s just sex.” I’m convincing myself the same as I’m trying to convince him. Because that’s all I want him for.
“Wow,” he sputters and squares off to me with his hands on his hips. “Don’t worry, we didn’t have sex tonight,Kandi.” My name sounds like venomous poison coming out from between his lips. “I’m glad you think I’d stoop that low. You were completely out of it. There were a few guys trying to come in here if you’re into that sort of thing.”
He puts his hand on the doorknob to leave, pausing to shake off the hatred he felt for the slightest moment. I felt it. It sliced through me the same way he used to.
His eyes soften as he turns back. “Make sure you lock the door before passing out again.”
“Wait,” I stop him. I should just let him leave, but I owe him a serious apology. No matter how much I hated him or what he said in the past, he saved me tonight.
If he wasn’t here, I would’ve ended up being raped. Luca would never do that. He’d never take advantage of someone when they’re obliterated. I’ve seen him at parties telling guys to back off when he noticed a girl too incoherent to say no.
It’s really hard to apologize and thank him, but I just have to get it out.
“I’m sorry.”Oof, that really stung.“I know you wouldn’t do something like that. Thank you for staying.”
“I tried to ask for the code on your door so I could lock it, but you wouldn’t tell me,” he says, letting his arms fall to his sides. “I couldn’t leave you here like this with an open door.”
