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Her shocked face looks sincere, but I know I’m not her concern. She’s made it very clear. There’s nothing between us for her, just sex. I’m the fool chasing her around, wishing for something more. I hate feeling this way about her. I hate the thought of everyone being right.
“You didn’t play. I was worried you got hurt or something.” Her defensive wall builds back up as she crosses her arms over herself.
“Nah, I broke curfew in front of two big mouth freshmen last night.”
“Shit.” Her eyes widen and her hands drop to her sides. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think…”
I don’t want her to think it was her fault. A part of me blamed her, but it’s not her fault.
It’s my fault.
I could’ve left her, I could’ve taken her home with me, or I could’ve stopped her from drinking so much. The more she drank, the more she opened up to me. I let her suck down those martinis like water, and I knew what was happening.
“It’s fine. It’s not your fault. It’s mine.” I take a deep breath and look beyond her to the path leading to the gym. “I gotta get to the gym before it fills up.” I’m lying to get away from her and clear my head.
Is she worth it?
“Ok,” she hesitates. “I’ll let you go.”
I’m even more angry at myself for letting her go. It’s the first time she ever approached me and I pushed her away.
It was necessary to stop putting all my focus on Kandi. My team deserves my attention more than she does. It’d be different if she felt the same way or if I was getting anywhere with her, but she dismissed my feelings like they were nothing. She doesn’t believe in us.
Giving up fucking hurts. The gym doesn’t help the ache in my chest or my head from overthinking, but it’ll get better with time.
That’s what everyone told me when my brother passed away.
It’ll get easier with time. I just wish time would speed the fuck up.
Chapter 21
Kandace
Twelve days.
It’s been twelve days since I’ve seen Luca.
Twelve days with no flowers on my doorstep.
I should be happy. I should feel grateful.
That’s twelve days free of anyaccidentalrun-ins. Twelve days free of secret or unexpected visitors. Not even any Luca sightings. Except the ones out my window when I notice him picking up Willa, or see an entire group of the hockey team running up our block.
They do this every morning. Every morning, Luca and Alex lead the pack of them, with Finn at the rear, encouraging them to keep going. Every so often Luca runs backwards, yelling and clapping to bring his team together.
He hasn’t once glanced back up at my window. Not that I expect it or want him to. No, I’m enjoying my Luca free time.
I’m lying.
I should be enjoying this. I shouldn’t care why he suddenly quit paying any attention to me. It shouldn’t bother me if he’s upset or mad. It was only one game he missed, but he was clearly upset at being benched.
I did that. It’s my fault, and I have no way of making it up to him. If I do anything, he’ll think I have feelings for him and then I’ll be leading him on. No matter how much he bothers me, I’d never wish that kind of hurt on anyone.
As soon as I notice someone catching feelings for me, I end it to stop any heartache or disappointment, but Luca’s came out of nowhere from day one.
Avoiding me is a good thing. For both of us.
The Delta Nu committee I put together to figure out our charity event comprised Renna, Penny, Dani, Chelsea, and myself. However, Chelsea had deemed herself too busy “most nights.” By that, she meantevery night.
