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Patty:Are you serious? You’re really missing out. Europe is so interesting.
Me:I bet it is. Now where’s my pic? You need to play fair.
Patty:We aren’t playing, Evan.
Me:Pic please.
Patty:Demanding much?
I try to think of a good come back but I don’t have one, and that’s when I get her picture. My breath hitches.
She’s wearing a white tank top. Her blond hair is a little wavy and free. It falls over her shoulders. Her creamy skin looks a little sunburned and she’s smiling. It looks like she is in a pub, and she’s got a beer sitting in front of her on the table.
I’m speechless. What I want to say is I wish I was there with her. Scotland sounds interesting and not as hot as Satan’s oven here in Florida.
Patty:Are you still there? It isn’t polite not to comment on my picture.
Me:Sorry. Scotland looks beautiful.
No way am I commenting on her fine ass. She gets prickly when I give her a compliment.
Me:So, you’re sitting at a pub on your own?
Patty:Is there a problem with that? I’m travelling on my own, which means I also go to eat on my own and sit in pubs on my own. I thought it would be a cool experience, but I’m bored as Frank.
Me:I don’t know Frank, but I heard he isn’t as boring as everyone thinks.
Patty:Very funny.
Me:So, what is next on the agenda?
Patty:I’m going to hit the sack early. I’m staying at this cute bed-and-breakfast. Then I’m going on a hike tomorrow morning.
Me:Sounds like my jam. I hated golfing with the guys today. They want to go to a club tonight and I just don’t feel up for it.
Patty:Then fake an illness. They can’t force you to go, unless you’re still moping over Evie. Then you should go and get laid. It isn’t healthy not to after what you witnessed.
Damn, this girl.
Me:I’m fine.
Patty:Your manhood must have taken a hit. You need to get laid.
Me:My manhood is fine and feeling just as confident. Did it ever occur to you maybe Evie is the one who’s messed up and not me? I assure you, I’m good in the bedroom. That is not what sent Evie to the old dude.
Patty:You don’t need to assure me of your bedroom skills. I was merely suggesting a way to get you out of your slump.
Me:I’m not in a slump.
I reply with frustration because everyone around me is pitying me right now. I’m fine. So fine I don’t want to get back on the horse, so to speak, because everything is fine, and if I say the word fine one more time in my head, I may lose it, so I’ll stop right now.
Patty:Sorry. Glad you’re doing well.
Me:Thank you.
Patty:I can’t stop yawning. I’m going to chug down this beer and head back to the bed-and-breakfast.
Me:That beer looks huge.
