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I’m packing up my suitcases and cleaning up the Airbnb I’ve been renting for the last month as I get ready to leave Florence and head home. Although my trip started off a little rocky, it turned out to be exactly what I needed. I had buried the hurt of my past so deep I became a person I didn’t recognize. As a girl, I watched my parents’ relationship. Dad was always loving. He traveled a lot for work as a hockey player. Mom was always a badass attorney. They were great role models, and they always had each other’s backs. They also supported my brother and me with every hope and dream we had. Life was ideal. Until I fell for the wrong guy and experienced a disappointment so great it changed the makeup of who I was. I didn’t realize this before I met Evan because, somehow, I convinced myself I was happy. I made a plan to guard my heart and never get too close to another man, and it worked. I told myself I didn’t ever want to have children and I was lucky enough to watch Crew grow for the first five years of his life. I thought it was enough. I felt satisfied. Until an unstable hockey player stumbled into my therapy room, feeling off and broken. His brown eyes held a hurt I could understand. His heart burned from betrayal, and my antidote for getting over a bad break up didn’t work on him like it did for all my other friends. Evan got me thinking and made me consider my own heart. The conclusion I came to is that mine may not have healed the way I originally thought it did. I was more broken than I let on. It was a hard pill to swallow. If I’m being honest with myself, I still haven’t accepted this realization. What I have accepted is that Evan and I are friends. Over these last few months, he’s called me at least once a day to check in and when he doesn’t call, I call him. We seem to have a lot to talk about, and for some reason, I feel comfortable opening up to him in a way that is different than when I am with the girls.
My phone pings.
When I look down, I see Evan’s name.
Evan:Are you planning on getting on the plane?
I shake my head as a smile spreads my lips. I had planned to come home last month after I was in the South of France working in a hospital, but I didn’t feel ready. I’m super glad I made that decision because Florence has been wonderful, and I’ve gotten used to being on my own and enjoying my own company, which has been cathartic.
Me: I’m finally coming home. Jamie called to tell me I got the job full time. Mike won’t be able to return this season.
Evan:Great news. Congratulations. Poor Mike.
Me:Thanks
Evan:I will legitimately have your hands all over me in a professionally speaking kind of way.
He’s such a goofball.
Me:Make sure to stay injury free.
I roll my eyes.
Evan:Those massages will come in handy when I’m all bent out of shape.
Me:What can I say? I’m good at my job.
Things are easy with Evan. Conversation just flows and he makes me laugh.
Me:I need to finish packing. Ttyl
Evan:I’m picking you up. Just wanted to make it clear because it would be awkward if I ran into Coach at the airport.
Me:You don’t have to. I planned to Uber.
Evan:Don’t be stubborn. I’ll be there.
I roll my eyes for the umpteenth time. Evan is persistent and kind. I’ll give him that.
Me:Thanks. Gtg
Evan:Have a safe flight.
Me:??
The minute I send the red heart my own heart skips a beat, and my eyes widen. Shit. What did I just do? I always send my friends the red heart emoji, but Evan is different. He’s a guy.
I panic. What do I do? This is bad. I don’t want him to think that whatever we’ve shared these last number of months is something more than friendship.
Through my panic I decide to send him another emoji to clarify. . .just in case.
Me:??
My heart races as I wonder what Evan will think. I may have poured a good portion of my soul out to him these last few months, but there was always a clear line of friendship between us.
The balls roll on my screen as sweat pops on my forehead. The balls continue to roll but no message comes through. What the hell is he doing?
My cell rings. Evan’s name lights up the screen. My life has somehow become a film roll and is happening in slow motion as my stomach dips and I answer the phone.
