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Patty
Given that I didn’t melt down at brunch this morning, I consider today to be a win. A huge part of me wanted to go up to Andrew and blast him for his shitty behavior. Something I didn’t do when I was younger because I was broken and didn’t have the backbone I do today. But I guess the strength I have today was earned from hardship. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I have to attest to that notion.
My parents want to go for a walk after brunch and invite Evan and I to join them, but I say that I really do need a couple hours of sleep. My anxiety is running high from seeing Andrew, and I have to meet Quinn and Amy’s bridesmaids in her suite in two hours to get my hair and makeup done.
Evan watches me like I’m a skittish cat. “Do you want me to walk you up to your room?” he asks, and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before, but I see it now. The heat in his gaze. The dirty thoughts he must be thinking.
“It’s better I head up alone,” I say.
“Right.” He rocks back on his heels. “We need to talk about this though. Your friendship means everything to me. I don’t want to risk not having you in my life.”
His candidness causes a small fracture around the dome guarding my heart.
“I don’t want to lose our friendship either. I’m sure we can figure something out. I just really need to rest,” I assure.
Evan responds with a sad smile. He leans over and kisses my forehead. “I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you.”
We part ways. I head to my room. I’m horny, sad, and emotional. In short, I’m a hot mess.
I really do take a short nap because seeing Andrew after all these years has burned me out. Memories of losing a baby and a life I thought I would have drains me, leaving me feeling sad and empty, even after all these years. I knew Andrew was broken. We had a crazy attraction to one another, but he warned me he wasn’t a good guy. That he never wanted to settle down and then somewhere along our sordid affair, something changed. He developed feelings, told me he loved me. When I found out I was pregnant, a part of him was truly happy. Problem was that another part of him was terrified, and he didn’t share it with me. Sad part of it is, he’s close to forty and never settled down or had kids. Not that everyone needs to do that to be happy but, on some level, Andrew wanted a family. He didn’t want to be like his loser father, who took off.
I take off my clothes and slip back into my pajamas, and it doesn’t take long for me to drift off into slumber.
A knock on my door pulls me from sleep. I feel so groggy as I get up and open the door.
Quinn stands there in a pair of heather gray jogging pants and a zip-up hoodie. Her hair and makeup already done. “Oh no! Are you okay? Your mom said you went to take a nap and I figured you could use the rest after seeing the asshole,” she says, walking into my room.
“I’m fine.” I yawn and rub my eyes. “I knew it would be hard to see him. At least he didn’t approach our table.”
“Seriously,” Quinn retorts. “You need to come upstairs. It’s your turn for hair. Then makeup.”
“Okay. Let me just take a quick shower.”
Quinn goes to sit on the chair in the corner of my room as I update her on what happened with Evan this morning.
“Huh, I knew it. He wants you and you want him,” she gloats. “This is perfect.”
“It’s a recipe for disaster. I won’t be responsible for the fallout if we hook up.”
“Then have one night. Get him out of your system,” she recommends, as if it would be no big deal.
“Sex will change our friendship. There won’t be going back to how things were,” I rebut as I get into the shower. I wash my hair quickly and then condition.
Quinn says something but I can’t hear her.
“What did you say?” I shout.
A moment later she is in the bathroom. “I’m leaving the door open. The steam will kill my hair.”
I laugh. “I’m freezing, but fine.”
“There isn’t going back at this point anyway. You two want each other bad,” she counters.
She isn’t wrong. The dynamic of who we are has shifted.
I finish in the shower and ask Quinn to pass me a towel for my body and my hair.
