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Her eyes are dark and desire rolls off of her. It takes her a few tries to unlock the door, fumbling with the keys in her flustered state. Mona grabs my hand to lead me inside, but I stay at the threshold and sigh. It would be so easy to get swept up in her again, but I promised myself I wouldn’t do that. “You’ve had a long, eventful day. I should let you get some rest.”
“Oh. Right.” The disappointment in her eyes almost convinces me I’m being an idiot, but then she lets out an enormous yawn.
“I’m not done with you, Mona. We have so much more in store. Just not tonight. I may be a monster, but I care about you.”
“You do?” Her cheeks flush and I curse myself for saying something overly affectionate. That’s probably not what she wants from this…relationship? No, this arrangement. It stings to have confirmation that this is just about sex for her, a reminder of many past relationships. But at least this time I’m entering into it aware of that fact. I just hope I can keep my fragile heart in check enough to not let it get shattered again.
My hand runs through my hair and I school my expression into a more lustful one. “Of course. I don’t want you to die of exhaustion before we get to all of your dreams.” I kiss her again, savoring the chocolate and champagne still lingering on her tongue, then say goodnight.
Returning to my car, I linger for a while longer, watching her neighbor’s apartment. Knowing that Mona is worried about his presence sets off alarm bells in my mind. I know he’s up to some shady shit if he’s trading sex for favors to desperate people like Lydia. People like him are an unfortunate reality of the world, but Mona shouldn’t feel nervous about simply being seen outside her own home.
I’m searching for easy-install security systems on my phone before I consider that it might be weird for me to offer to set one up for her. But my intuition tells me there’s more to that man than meets the eye, and there’s no way I’m letting him hurt her. She’smine.
Gods, that may sound crazy, but it feels so right. Mona may not know it yet, but I’ll do anything I can to show her she belongs to me.
21
My pulse races as I take my place on the pitch black stage, letting out one last nervous breath before sinking into the performance headspace. A single beam of light falls on the stage, illuminating my silhouette as the sensual music starts. Shadows on the stage cling to my skin, and I banish them with the slow reveal of my body. First just an arm bathed in the light, then a leg, then my whole back. The audience’s breathless anticipation washes over me, and when I finally emerge from the darkness, it isn’t fear of judgment that I feel. It’s power.
Something wiggling under the covers pulls me from my dream.
“No, Nugget, it was just getting good. Go back to sleep,” I groan groggily, and roll over to look at the source of my unwelcome awakening. A lump in my throat forms to match the one next to me on the bed. I still can’t believe that Nugget’s spirit is here with me. The magic faded in the night, so the only sign he’s still here is the bump under my comforter. I curl around his invisible form and whisper endearments, a few tears sliding down my cheeks as I do. When the lump squirms and disappears, I let out a shaky laugh and wipe my face dry with the back of my hand.
There’s only a few minutes before my alarm goes off, so I pull myself out of bed with a reluctant sigh. Going back to work after such a strange and thrilling weekend feels wrong. But ghost dogs and hot sex don’t erase the need to pay the bills.
Despite not getting much sleep over the weekend, the usual heavy weight of fatigue that greets me each morning is missing. Replaced with an odd, light sensation in my chest. My fancy face serums and makeup don’t go neglected for the first time in weeks, and I pick out a colorful flower-print dress instead of my usual crappy tee and yoga pants.
There’s no reason to put in the effort to look nice—no one on my work calls cares what I look like and I doubt I’ll even leave the house today. I’m definitelynotdoing it on the very off chance that Max chooses today to ambush me with another round of crazy stalker sex. That would be ridiculous.
I expect my mood to decline as I sit through another round of pointless morning meetings that could’ve been emails, but when lunch rolls around, I’m still…happy?
God, it’s sad that it took me a while to recognize the emotion. Even with good meds and therapy, I haven’t felt like this in at least six months, if not a year. That’s one of the maddening things about depression. The fatigue and emotional lows become “normal” until I forget that I ever could feel any other way. When the fog clears, I’m always astounded by how much I’ve been struggling.
The next couple of days pass similarly—me waking up to expect the veil of depression’s descent overnight and shocked when it’s absent. The regular texts Max sends me undoubtedly play a big role in that. I’m failing at Grace’s number one dating tip—don’t over-text when you’re first dating someone. She’s right. There’s intimacy blossoming between us at a rapid pace and I feel my heart investing in a relationship that we haven’t even defined. But despite Grace’s warnings, each time I hear the little ding of a new notification, my heart flutters. How am I supposed to go slow when he’s so damn interesting and sexy?
Cheeks achingfrom smiling so hard and the taste of Mona lingering on my tongue, I float on post-date euphoria as I make the late night drive home. Tonight, she invited me over to watch that new cyborg romance movie. While it was awful, it felt so natural to make fun of the stilted dialogue and terrible special effects with her. She distracted me halfway through the movie, bending over to grab some spilled popcorn and showing me she wasn’t wearing any panties under her short skirt. In an instant, I had her down on the floor with her ass up in the air as I ate her pussy from behind, telling her how much of a dirty cocktease she was. I didn’t stop until she came on my face twice and we realized the movie had ended.
What a perfect night. We’ve gone out four times now, and each time I grow more infatuated with Mona. And not just because of the wild sex. She’s hilarious, smart, weird, and altogether delightful. So much so that I’m losing the fight to go slow and be cautious.
Being around her continues to kindle the hope that I don’t need to separate my dark desires from my romantic ones. Mona might want both sides of me. I know it’s too soon to tell, and it’s more likely that she only wants sex. But the way she smiles at me, the way she laughs when I tell a corny joke, how she lingers in my arms when we say goodnight…I can’t help but think that maybe she wants more. Now I just need to work up the courage to ask.
* * *
I’m workingon a background check for a new client, my mind wandering to the text conversation Mona and I had into the early morning, when my doorbell rings. There’s a package waiting for me on my porch, and I recognize my dad’s scrawling handwriting on the outside. I wave my thanks to the delivery driver who’s already hopping back into his truck, then bring the box back inside.
That was fast. I send a quick text to my dad.
Max: Hey Dad, hope you’re doing well. I got the package, thanks so much for expediting it. You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it. Tell Mom I said hi.
I cut the tape with a box cutter and find the contents meticulously wrapped in tissue paper. Not that anything he sent was fragile, but leave it to my dad to take unnecessary precautions. There’s also a card inside from Mom, which brings unexpected tears to my eyes. Gods, I miss seeing them.
My phone dings with a reply.
Dad: Of course! I’m always happy to help my wonderful son. Especially when he promises to visit his lonely parents more often.
Very subtle, Dad. After my first date with Mona, I asked for his help enchanting a collar for Nugget. His arcane specialty deals with concealment and detection enchantments, so he readily agreed—under the condition that I make more weekend visits. As much as I don’t want to go out of town so soon after Mona and I started seeing each other, it’s necessary. Mona being able to see Nugget all the time is more important than me missing her for a few days.
Max: A deal’s a deal. I’ll see you soon, and already have time blocked off on my calendar for more visits.
