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“Yeah, I know that. I’m under no illusion that he wants anything more than sex, so unless he’s lied about being married or has a monogamous partner, should it matter?”
Blair sighs again and sits back up. “No. I admit that I’m not objective when it comes to men. I could be wrong.” She reaches into the insulated bag sitting on the floor next to her and pulls out a steel water bottle, bringing it to her lips with careful precision. Her lips are tinged red when she brings the bottle away.
Oh god, is that blood?
She must see the color drain from my face because she licks her lips with a dramatic swipe, then has the audacity to flash the points of her fangs at me. “I prefer it warm, but this does the trick when I’m feeling…agitated.”
I try to swallow the freaked out lump in my throat, but the way she stares at the movement in my neck does nothing to help. Desperate to move away from talking about her vampiric nature before I do something dumb like offer her my blood again, I push on with our conversation. “We don’t have to talk about Max anymore. I’ll ask Grace for her help instead.”
“No. I’ll help you.” The tone of her voice sounds like a command. “Tell me what you need.”
Now that I have to say it to her face, I grow hot and uncomfortable. “Uh, well…I shared some fantasies with Max and he offered to make them come true.”
Blair raises a manicured brow at me. “Such as?”
“You know, like what we talked about at The Vault. But also other things. Darker things.”
“Stop being vague. Or do you want me to guess? You want him to asphyxiate you? Piss in your mouth? Blood play?” Her lip quirks at the little gasp I make when she says that last guess. “What? It’s not just for vampires.”
“No, not any of that! No offense. I-I liked it when he watched me. I want him to watch me, to follow me, then take me. Overpower me and fuck me like it’s a punishment for tormenting him with my mere existence. To tie me up and use me over and over. To brand himself into me with his bruising grip and strikes of his palm on my ass, his teeth biting into me, and the stretch of his cock inside me. I want it so bad I can barely breathe.” The words pour out of me in an uncontrolled stream. I don’t realize what I’ve revealed until Blair rests a hand on my arm and squeezes, her eyes boring into me as I come back to myself.
“Oh god, I can’t believe I just said that. I must sound crazy—”
“Stop. You aren’t crazy.” Blair’s gaze continues to burn into me and I release my breath with a rough whoosh of air.
“He’s told me to park in that lot on Meadow Street when I go to class tomorrow. To go to Nightlight after class and then walk back to my car on my own.”
“Ah.”
“I just needed to tell someone in case…”
“In case he takes things too far? Have you talked about your limits with him? Set a safeword? I don’t care how much you trust him—if you’re going to engage in this kind of play, you have to do that.”
Why the hell didn’t I ask her sooner? Of course, Blair would understand and know what to do. She’s an experienced domme. The anxious pressure in my chest eases. “We talked about things, but I didn’t tell him any limits. Or set a safeword. Shit, you must think I’m an idiot.”
Blair glares at me, and it reminds me of how Max acts when I put myself down. Can’t a girl self-deprecate every once in a while?
“Text him now. Tell him your safeword and hard limits. Ask him for his. If he doesn’t want to do that, if he doesn’t respect those fundamental elements to this kind of play, then he’s not worth the risk. He’s not the only person into the same things you are and I could help you find someone who will keep you safe.”
“Like you?” I blurt out and then clap a hand over my mouth.
Blair lets out a rare laugh at that, the sound rich and raspy. “As much as I’d like to play with you, we aren’t a good match. My subs give me control without the fight you crave.”
“Oh. Right. Of course.” I can’t picture Blair overpowering me or holding me down. She demands compliance with her mere presence. Which is hot, but she’s right—I want something more…primal.
I write out a list of hard and soft limits under Blair’s guidance. It’s embarrassing, but educational—I haven’t heard of half the things she asks about. Anything that draws blood or leaves more than a temporary mark is a hard limit, as are watersports and asphyxiation. I struggle with choosing a safeword, so she suggests using a green, yellow, red system and tells me how to outline it to Max in case he hasn’t used it before.
My heart rises in my throat as I press send on the text. We get back to working on Grace’s costume and about an hour goes by before my phone pings. I almost burn myself with the hot glue gun in my hands as I scramble to check my phone.
Max: Gods, Mona. I’m sorry. I should’ve thought of this before. Of course we can use that system and I respect your limits.
Max: Honestly, I’m relieved. I’ve felt like a piece of shit thinking about how much I want to do this with you. Knowing that I’ll be forcing you. Hurting you. This is new to me and I don’t want to ruin what we have or take anything without your consent.
He goes on to list his own hard limits—like me, he’s not into watersports or anything involving blood. It surprises me to see his list is longer than mine and includes more intense forms of impact play. Nothing I was desperate to do though, and I feel better knowing he has his own limits.
Blair reads his reply over my shoulder and I look up to see her reaction. She gives a slight nod. “Good. Still, text me tomorrow night after you’re done. He hurts you in a way you don’t want and I’ll kill him.”
I don’t doubt it. “I will. Fingers crossed you won’t end up in jail for murder.”
