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Lightning flashes outside the window, followed by a rumbling primordial boom. Nugget wiggles again, his eyes wide in fear.
“You’re scared of the storm? Even as a ghost?” I sigh, scooping him off my chest and rolling over onto my side to spoon his chunky body. “Shh, it’s okay, angel.”
He settles once the storm passes, but sleep evades me. My heart’s still racing as I recall my strange dream. I wish I knew how to decode my dreams and determine what’s a magic vision and what’s not. I’m sure it was just the combo of stress, heartache over missing Max, and the storm seeping into my sleeping mind. But I’m on edge now.
I check my messages again. Still nothing from Max. With a shiver, I hug Nugget tighter and drift off into a fitful, dreamless sleep.
40
Boisterous cheers ring through the crowded, intimate venue as the blonde bombshell on stage flutters her giant feather fan in front of her body with a flirtatious wink, dangling a sparkling pink bra out to the side before dropping it on the floor. Beside me, Blair has the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on her face. I swear I can even see a flash of her sharp canines as she drinks in the sight of Grace on stage with hunger and fondness. I understand why. Grace’s act encapsulates everything that makes her the fun, sexy goddess she is, all the way down to the glittering pasties tipping her breasts as she shows a flash of them before covering herself again.
“She’s amazing, isn’t she?” I whisper-shout into Blair’s ear so she can hear me over the music and cheers.
“Fucking incredible,” Blair replies, her voice sounding hoarse. She swallows heavily as Grace finishes her routine with a shimmy, exposing her perky tits and the perfect curve of her hips in her sparkly thong for a few seconds. The crowd goes wild as the song ends and she prances away with rosy cheeks and an enormous grin that I catch sight of before the stage goes dark.
“Well, guess I better go get ready. Unless I can sneak out the back without anyone noticing.” I give Blair a nervous grin.
She places her hands on my shoulders and spins me toward the dressing room door. “No way. You’re not leaving without getting up on that stage.”
I’m the penultimate act of the night, which is the exact opposite of what I asked for when Cherry was making the set list. I wanted to go first and get it over with before the audience had anything to compare me to. Instead, I’ve watched my classmates take to the stage, peel the layers off of their perfect bodies, and hear the adoration of the audience as they do. The only other plus size performer backed out, so I couldn’t even use her performance to judge how the crowd would receive someone bigger.
I’m working on my body image and self-worth, but that journey is far from over. It’s a struggle tonight. If I didn’t have a stern vampire, my best friend, and oh, all my other good friends here, I’d run out the door right now.
Well, all of my friends except one. Max never texted me back, and another scan of the room before the next act takes the stage doesn’t reveal his familiar dark red waves and black eyes anywhere. Not that I expected him to show up. I’d hoped…but no. He wants nothing to do with me and I can’t say I blame him.
I fuss with my hair and check my false eyelashes one last time before taking off my cover up and looking at my costume in the cramped dressing room mirror one last time.
I almost don’t recognize myself. The Mona in the mirror is something new and unexpected. She’s the Mona who is sexual and daring without apology. The Mona who asks for what she wants and isn’t afraid to take it when it’s given. She stirred from her slumber when I joined the burlesque class, then woke up in Max’s arms. And as much as I miss him—because fuck, do I miss him—she’s still here. Shining behind my eyes, present in the full curves of my body encased in tight black velvet, and in the deepest recesses of my soul.
That knowledge steadies my shaky nerves and pushes back the tears that threaten to ruin my eye makeup as I walk out onto the dark stage. The low pulse of music thrums through my body and I release all the emotion, transformation, and hope I have for this new Mona into my performance.
* * *
“Holy crap,Mona, you were…there are no words!” Rachel squeals as she tugs me against her short, zaftig frame.
“How are you so sexy?! Ugh, next time you take a class I’m going too. Dustin will just have to deal with watching Priya,” Devi says, nudging her bespectacled, lanky husband in the shoulder.
He rolls his eyes at her and nudges her back. “You don’t have to make me. I told you I would! I keep telling you to get out of the house, but then you see Priya smile and refuse to leave.”
She huffs back at him, but kisses him on the cheek. “I know I drive you crazy.”
“I still have chills from watching you, Mona,” says Grace as she beams at me.
“Told you.” Blair’s lip quirks in smug amusement.
“Fine, fine! You were right.” I hold my hands up in surrender.
Despite my reticence, she is right. I made it through my routine without disaster. I’ll have to take their word for if it went well or not, because I think I blacked out up there. The music started and the next thing I knew, I was hitting my final pose in nothing but tiny pasties and my thong as the roar of the crowd crashed over me. Invigoration from their reaction to my act still tingles across my skin. I feel like I could do anything. That anything is possible for me because I got up on the stage, bared my body to a room full of strangers, and claimed my power without dying of embarrassment or shame.
“Thanks, I really appreciate your support!” I say to my friends, without whom I would never have made it to the stage.
Rachel and Devi chatter animatedly about which acts were their favorites, and as I listen, my eyes dart through the venue as it clears out post-show, seeking the person I most want to share my exhilaration with.
He’s not here, Mona. Forget him. He’s not here.I chant the words to myself as I half-listen and make a sound of agreement when appropriate. Devi and Rachel both agree that my routine, along with Grace’s and Blair’s, was the best. I’m biased, but I have to agree with the assessment. Blair’s act was dark and dominant, just like I’d expected. Grace’s was full of levity and joy that she’s hidden away since her divorce.
“I’m so damn proud of you, Grace. You killed it up there.” I squeeze her into a hug, and she beams back at me. “Thank you for doing this with me. I couldn’t have done it without you.” I look over to Blair standing next to her. “And thank you for your pestering. I don’t know why you cared so much, but I’m really glad you did.” Tears well in my eyes in gratitude for Blair’s new friendship, Grace’s steadfast one, and for all of my friends here tonight.
“You can cry now that the performance is over,” Blair deadpans. I snort and flip her off, and she lets out a raspy laugh. “Grace and I were discussing getting drinks. You in?”
