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His sneer did something to her, and the words burst out. “Look you old fool, I care about Glen because he’s gentle and kind. Period. Who he wants to love is none of my business. Same with Rudy. I respect him because he’s a good person and a hard worker.”
“Harrumph!”
That did it. The old bugger’s look of disdain hadn’t changed. And yet she could have sworn that when she mentioned Rudy, she saw a pained expression until he turned away to hide his face.
“Stop dissing me, you idiot. Don’t you understand that you’ve really hurt him? And not only physically.”
“What about me? He’s the one thing I detest the most. A sick queer.”
Without intending to, Demi reverted to her former persona of coping with anti-social behavior. She moved closer, pulling her chair next to his so she’d be in his face. Forcing him to stay connected, with nowhere to turn, she said, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you hate that the most?” She kept her tone non-threatening, as if she just required an answer to her question.
“Because. Everyone knows it’s against nature.”
Everyone! How I hate that presumption.“Not so. Many species in nature don’t have such stupid restrictions. I could name animals from mountain goats to some kinds of snakes that don’t follow your stupid rules. It’s more personal to you. Why?”
“Because. I don’t like it?”
“Why don’t you like it?”
“It’s just wrong, missy, and quit browbeating me. I can have my opinion.” He was losing his composure now.
She didn’t care if she upset him, it was time for him to face whatever boiled in his gut that made his hatred so putrid. “Not when it makes you a monster that wants to kill your own son. There has to be a better reason. So tell me why?” On the last word, her voice had risen to match his own loud tone.
Intimidating now, his chest swelled, and he leaned into her space threateningly. “None of your goddamn business,” he roared.
Ahh.There it is.She saw it in his eyes. The fear that she had gotten too close to his truth. As much as she worried he might lose control, she couldn’t stop. She hovered over him, her finger in his face, and she yelled louder, “Hell it isn’t. Tell me why, you old prick, and I’ll drop the subject.”
Suddenly, he shrunk. His words whispered in a raw voice. “I can’t tell you why. It’s too disgusting.”
She sat near him and softened her tone. “No, my friend. The truth is never that. It’s just what happened. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it except face it. Why, Fred? What do you have to face?”
Now he slunk back, his shaking hands covering his face to hide it from her. “I know what it’s like to be abused that-that way. It’s hell.Purehell. Nothing any boy should ever have to live through. There, are you satisfied? Now leave me alone.” The sob seemed to rip its way through a throat filled with self-loathing.
She put her hand out and pressed it on his knee as a connection from one human being to another. How many times had she seen this kind of truth? God, too many to count. Finally, she muttered gently, “Not gonna happen, Fred. I have no doubt at all that you’ve never put that truth into words and now that you have, you need to empty out all that mucky gunk. Cleanse yourself, once and for all. And in case you care, it’s between us. I can keep a secret.”
He quickly looked up and connected with her, his wet eyes questioning. “I never meant to hurt Rudy that bad. I just wanted to stop him, protect him from what I endured as a boy at the hands of my rotten stepfather. That’s all. But I got drunk and carried away.” The regret in his voice came through clearly.
“You were a victim.”
“Was I? I just believed I must have had a rotten soul to be treated like that. It got so bad; at fourteen I finally ran away from home. Swore I’d kill anyone who ever touched me in that way again. You can’t imagine what it did to me when Rudy told me tonight that he was like that ugly man.”
“Fred. Stop. Think about what you just said. As much as you’ll hate to do so, remember what that man was like. And then think of Rudy. Truly, are they alike at all?”
Suddenly Fred crumpled, a loud moan sounding in his broken voice. “No… oh, no. Oh God, no.”
The dam broke.
And he wailed, “I’m that man.”
Chapter Twenty-six
Demi had to leave Fred to let in her howling wolf who’d been repeatedly lunging at the door as their voices rose. All being quiet now, she opened the barrier and threw herself in Nito’s path to stop him from attacking the broken man, collapsed in the corner of the couch, crying so hard, she feared for his health. Yet she knew it was the best medicine he could have at the moment, and so she left him to it.
Forcing Nito into the kitchen area with her, she pulled out some cooked meat, added more medication, and led him to the blanket in front of the fireplace. She sat near him so he would stay with her. It was the first time he’d let her have this type of intimacy. Carefully, she reached out to caress him, straightening his bandage, and realized he’d begun to look more like his mother. Most of the ugly brown outer coat had disappeared to be replaced by a soft thickness of white fur with black intermingling.
