Page 19 of Fixate


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Every few weeks, without fail, I have a letter show up. It’s weird how you can be so completely open with someone, feel so connected to them, and yet, still hide so many things from them.

‘G’ knowsnothingabout the club.

I can’t tell her.

It would only put us in danger.

I hate lying to her, but I have to keep that part of my life private. Everything else I tell her is some version of the truth. I talk about my friends—I just change their names, and obviously, some of the circumstances around them.

For instance, when Lani was burned at the stake by those cult bastards, I told her my friend ‘Lisa’ burned herself in the kitchen on the oven. Admittedly, Lani’s burns are far worse than an oven could do, but I wanted to be able to share that time with ‘G’ about my life—even if I have to stretch the truth about all the aspects of it.

As I think about City and Izzy, who are so open and free with each other, the realization hits that maybe I could never have what they have with ‘G.’ Because the things I have told her have been such a stretch from the truth that if she ever found out all the shit I’ve taken liberties with, she mayneverforgive me. And she probably wouldn’t understand. Sure, she’s been in jail, so I know she gets this life, but I couldn’t ask her to step back into it when I know she’s on the straight and narrow.

She has her florist business.

She is thriving.

I can’t drag her back into the depths of depravity with me.

As City and Izzy finally pull apart, I inhale, thinkingmaybe I should just let ‘G’ go.

Stop holding onto hope that one day we will meet, and it will be life-altering.

How could it ever be?

I’m not good enough for ‘G.’

I’m a biker.

A felon.

A one percenter.

And ‘G’ is making a go of her life.

I can’t—no, won’t—step into her world and destroy what she has built.

A sudden flash of Maxxy’s face crosses my mind. My stomach twists, and a feeling of anxiety flows through me.

What the fuck is it?

I don’t fucking know.

I scrunch my brows together, trying to figure out why the fuck Maxxy popped into my head, as Izzy steps up, reaching out and gently caressing my arm, jolting me from my rampaging thoughts. “You okay, Hoodoo?” Izzy asks.

I snap my head up to look at her concerned gaze and inhale sharply, nodding my head. “Yeah. Yep. I mean, yeah, fine. Icertainlywasn’t thinking about Maxxy.”

City stares at me, a giant smirk on his face as he nods. “Uh-huh… I’m gonna go talk to Hurricane. Take good care of Hoodoo, Iz?”

Izzy giggles and nods. “Yeah, I’ll look after you, Hoodoo. C’mon, let’s head outside to the gym area.”

I nod my head, probably a little too enthusiastically. “Yeah, good idea.”

Izzy links her arm with mine, and we walk down the hall. I glance over my shoulder back toward their room. “Thanks for lending me your girl, City.”

He chuckles, walking out behind us. “I’ll share her with you in any way you want, except the sexual kind. You touch her, I’ll fucking kill you.”

Izzy rolls her eyes. “Jesus City,” Izzy groans out her annoyance.

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