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“Fuck off, you fucker,” Bayou snaps as City grins.
The corner of my lips turns up just a little at Hurricane insulting his twin. “All right, I get it… I just don’t want to sit back and do nothing.”
“Then be here for Hoodoo. Sit by his bed and comfort him while we figure the fuck out what we’re gonna do about this.”
Sighing, I nod. “Okay… can do. But Hurricane, just so you know, if it came down to it, and you needed me to fight that rat bastard, Novikov… Iwoulddo it.”
Hurricane smiles, pulling me to him in a tight embrace. “I know, I get it. But I also know Hoodoo wouldn’t want you riskin’ yourself for him.”
I snort out a laugh. “Hoodoo wouldn’t give a shit about me.”
Everyone smirks, and Hurricane tilts his head. “Youreallybelieve that shit you’re spoutin’?”
Shrugging, I glance over to his hospital room and sigh. “I don’t fucking know.”
“The thing I’ve learned is that life is short, Maxxy. Shit happens, and you gotta live each day and grab it by the proverbial balls. Don’t wait. Don’t second-guess. If you have feelin’s for someone, take the shot. If they don’t feel the same, then you tried, and you didn’t waste your life wonderin’, and you can move on. But if it pays off…” he glances over to Kaia and his little girl, a bright smile forming, “… well, then it can besofuckin’ worth it.”
Bayou slaps him on the shoulder. “Look at you being all insightful and shit.”
City chuckles as I try to take in what Hurricane is saying. My problem is I have to figure out who my feelings are strongest for. Because if I take a chance on Hoodoo—if that’s what is happening here—then what happens to ‘N’?
Will I have to stop writing to him?
I can’t evenimaginenot talking to him.
“You okay, Maxxy? You look a little pale?” City asks as they all stare with their brows furrowed.
Nodding, I glance around, trying to take some much-needed deep breaths. “I… I think I just need some air. Come get me if anything changes,” I reply, then take off for the exit.
My feet move as fast as they can.
The realization hits me so hard I can’t breathe.
I have a choice to make.
If I admit that I like Hoodoo, it means losing ‘N.’
My chest squeezes, my hand clutching at my shirt to relieve the tension while I walk around the parking lot, trying to find the breath that isn’t coming. I pant, fighting hard. Heat takes over my body so hot I want to rip my clothes off while a cold sweat trickles down my temples. I bend over, my hands fisting on my knees, my breath coming hard and fast. I’m hyperventilating, and I can’t seem to stop it.
A soothing hand rests on my back and starts rubbing. “Breathe in through your nose slowly,” a calming female voice offers, but I can’t seem to slow my breathing. “Maxxy…slow. In…” somehow, I manage to inhale slowly through my nose, “… and out through your mouth.”
I let the air out just as slowly, and it helps to calm me. My dizziness fades, and the tightness in my chest eases a little. Clearing my throat, I stand up straight and turn to see Ingrid, who’s weakly smiling at me.
I should have known.
She’s always the one taking care of people.
She’s always the one who knows when someone needs her.
She has a second sense of these things.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, and she shakes her head.
“Oh, darling, what on earth do you have to be sorry for?”
I rub at the back of my tense neck. “I don’t know what came over me. The last time I had a panic attack was in prison. It’s been so long I’ve forgotten what they feel like.”
Ingrid links her arm with mine and walks us over to a nearby park bench, and we sit. “Okay, here’s the thing… you just saw a man you care about almost die. He is still being treated, and for a person like you, a person who is the queen of fixing problems, it’s hard for you to not be able to go in there and help… to not take charge and make everything better with a flick of your wrist.”
