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Realizing I’d never get to sleep at this rate, I pushed up from my safe cocoon, flipped the light switch on, and pressed my back to the headrest. I turned my head to Laurent, but my eyes lingered on his very bare chest. His wet hair was slicked back, letting the strong lines of his face take center stage.
“Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”
He lifted the covers, glanced beneath, and smiled at me. “I’m not wearing much of anything.”
“I don’t know what you have in mind, but I am not sleeping with you.”
“While I wouldn’t complain, that’s not my intention. Like you, I thought I would have my own room. I didn’t bring pajamas because I don’t sleep in pajamas. You’re not the only one whose plans had a monkey wrench thrown in them.”
“What were your plans? If we weren’t sharing a room.”
“You really want to know?”
“I do.”
His head turned toward me, resting against the headboard still. “I was planning on working. Real party animal, I know.”
“Me too, actually. Well, that’s not entirely true. I planned on going to the gym, running a few miles on the treadmill, then soaking in a long bath, ordering room service, then hitting the laptop.”
“You could have done all of those things.”
“Truth be told, I couldn’t get out of this room fast enough.”
“No kidding,” he said with a laugh. “I didn’t notice.”
“Subtlety has never really been my style.”
“Was the thought of being in here with me that bad? And before you ask, truth always.”
“Yes.”
“Ouch.”
“It has less to do with you and more to do with me. I’m… I’m a coward.”
“That’s a little harsh. It’s been a long time. We’re practically strangers. I don’t blame you for wanting to avoid this.”
I shook my head. It was time for the truth. If I didn’t let it out, held onto it longer, it would just hang over our heads. It was time to let go of the scared twenty-one-year-old and be the mature forty-year-old I currently was.
“I didn’t want to avoid this as much as I wanted to avoid an inevitable conversation.”
He nodded. “Thatconversation.”
“I do owe you an explanation.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Fine, then why? Why did you leave me? Was the sex that bad? I mean, not to toot my own horn, but I thought it was pretty fucking amazing.”
“That’s the thing. It was.”
He thrust his hand into his hair, the easy-going demeanor swallowed by the tensing of his muscles. “Then I don’t get it.”
I inhaled, filling my lungs with air and hoping somewhere in there was a bit of courage. My lips parted, but words didn’t come out. I tried enticing them, spitting them out, getting rid of the bitter taste they had left with me for so long, but they clung to my tongue, refusing to let go.
“Damn it, Phoebs, just tell me.”
