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He pressed his pointer into my lips. “I can’t marry someone I don’t know.”
I don’t know what hurt more. His refusal, or that he didn’t know me. He knew the broken girl. The girl whose father abandoned her, whose mother lost her battle with cancer while she was a few semesters away from graduating college. He didn’t know the business savvy VP, the marathon runner, or the wine sommelier. No more boxed wine for this woman.
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
A million questions popped into my head, making it almost impossible to narrow it down to one. I inhaled deeply and calmed the chaos in my brain, focusing on the most important one.
“Where have you been for the last eighteen years?”
The edge of her lip quirked. “Around.”
“Still playing the cute card, I see.” Whenever things got too serious, she’d pull that card, trying to distract me.
“Whatever works.”
I wished I could say there was no way in hell I was going to let that shit fly. Fool me once, and all that jazz. But when it came to Phoebe Hodge, I couldn’t say no. Not then and not now.
Once upon a time, I promised to always be there for her, and despite the fact she walked out on me, I couldn’t break my promise.
My mind wandered to simpler times when I slid the folded dollar bill onto her finger and sealed the pact that brought her back to me. Though I never expected her to actually take me up on the offer. Hell, back then, I didn’t think we’d need a pact. In my mind, I assumed by forty we’d already be married to each other with kids, a house, and maybe even a minivan.
Over the years, I imagined her coming back into my life, but not like this. Marriage wasn’t the answer. If Phoebe and I were to get married, it would be out of love, not desperation.
“I won’t marry you, but I’m willing to compromise,” I said.
“I’m listening.”
“I’ll go to the engagement party and pretend we’re together to keep your family off your back.”
“In exchange for what?” She wasn’t stupid. Every business deal was made for both parties to benefit, but I didn’t want anything from her. I never had.
Well… there was one thing I wanted. One thing that after our single night together, I thought I had finally gotten.
I’d wanted to know she was mine, and I was hers, and no matter what the hell life threw at us, we would handle it together. We’d already proved we made a great team, and other than my family, she was the person who knew me best.
Loving Phoebe was one of the easiest things I had ever done. Discovering that love wasn’t enough… it nearly destroyed me. It was better she never gave me her love. After the hurricane of her leaving, I managed to rise from the rubble. I don’t know how I would have fared if she had given me the one thing I craved, only to take it away.
I would keep my promise to her, and there was only one thing I wanted.
I smiled. “You can’t fall in love with me.”
She crossed her arms, kinked an eyebrow, and scoffed. “Deal.”
My smile slipped. While I had said my terms with a tinge of humor, I didn’t expect her to shoot me down so quickly. “Don’t you want at least a second to think about it?”
“I don’t need a second.”
She never was one to stroke my ego. Maybe that’s why I loved her so much. Growing up in a small town with a recognizable family name, people tended to cater to me. Phoebe never did. It had been refreshing. Still, there’d been moments when I swore whatever walls she had erected between us began to crumble.
Visions of my head on her lap while she stroked my hair slammed into me. The way she looked down at me, teeth sliding over her lip as if she was debating something drastic in her mind. I remembered how my gaze lingered on her mouth, willing her to succumb to the chemistry that radiated between us.
“What makes you so sure you won’t fall in love with me?” I asked.
Sadness flitted across her greenish blue irises, and a half-hearted smile failed on her lips. “I gave up on love a long time ago.” Something else flashed across her face, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Regret? Remorse? My heart ached at the brokenness in her tone. The desire to take her in my arms and rid her of that pain flooded through me.
Before I could act, her shoulders straightened, and her chin tilted upward. “Do we have a deal or what?”
I inhaled, and her eyes drifted toward the rising and falling of my chest. Her teeth slid over that bottom lip. “Deal.”
