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“Come on, I’ll tuck you back in,” Valen tells him.
“No, I want to sleep in here, so you can't make me share my room,” Valarian says, glaring at me. Valen groans, clearly annoyed our son is cock-blocking him.
“But there will be plenty of room if we move in here with your father—two extra rooms,” I tell him. Not that I was planning on having unprotected sex anyway, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“Really? We’re going to live here now?” Valarian asks, his little eyes lighting up, and Valen looks over at me. I nod and he smiles before motioning for Valarian to follow him so he can put him back to bed.
“Fine, but I want a brother, not a sister. I’ve lived with Casey for so long now. Girls suck, and I’m sick of watching ‘Trolls’,” Valarian whines.
‘’Somehow, I don’t think it works like that. You don’t get to choose,” Valen tells him.
“Then just wrestle in a boy way to make a boy,” Valarian says simply, like it makes total sense. I chuckle and shake my head.
“I will keep that in mind,” Valen tells him while walking him back to his room.
ChapterSixty-One
Valen
Tucking Valarian in bed takes too long; I’m excited to get back to Everly. Finally! My balls are so blue that I just want her to touch it—even just look at it. I would take anything at this point. I ain't picky. I’ll probably blow a load just by the sight of her pretty pink vagina.
Walking to the door, I have a spring in my step until my spawn opens his little mouth.
“Can you read me a book?” Valarian asks. I freeze with my hand on the door mid-escape. Please be a five-page pop-up book with one sentence on each page.
“Sure,” I tell him, turning around and stepping over Casey, who is asleep on his trundle. Valarian holds up what must surely be ‘The Never-ending Story’ with how big it is. It literally is a never-ending fucking story. The thing is at least five hundred pages.
Please be big lettering per page, like one letter a page big letters.
Valarian shuffles over, and I squeeze next to him—having to fold myself like origami to fit on the pint-sized human bed—and open this book which, of course, is to do with space just like his bedroom.
At least it's educational. I groan. Which idiot bought this book? Wait, I did; I was that idiot. I will never encourage nighttime reading again; I get it now!
Valarian looks up at me, blinking and yawning, with his cute little face staring at me expectantly. I start reading and get to some part of the milky-way and glance down, hoping he’s asleep, but then I make eye contact with eyes that match mine. He’s still awake! Why! Why do you do me like this! I am aware I’m throwing a tantrum, but for the love of God, go to fucking sleep!
Stifling a growl and the urge to toss the book out the window, I continue reading. I know Everly can feel my frustration; possibly feel the weight in my damn balls too. Zoe owes me big for her crotch goblin waking my boy when I could finally get in some sexy time.
Even reading to Valarian, she keeps mumbling about pink unicorns or some crap; I’m damn near tempted to duct tape her mouth shut or put her in the hall. She’s lucky she’s cute and kind of growing on me. To be honest, she had me at ‘Uncle Valen’, so I guess I won’t disown her yet. I guess I’ll let her stay. I continue reading this encyclopedia on space. An hour goes by, and I swear I hear Everly chuckle in the room down the hall. She’s enjoying my torment, enjoying my blue balls.
I almost do a happy dance when I notice the fruit of my loins has finally crashed, and carefully sneak off his bed. I step over Casey, only to find her staring up at me, and in her hands is another book.
“Uh, sweetie, my throat is dry,” I tell her, and she pouts, fluttering the lashes of her big, hazel eyes. “You can have a sip from my drink bottle, Uncle Valen,” she says while beaming and holding it up. That damn word again, but it sounds so endearing. 'Uncle' has a nice ring to it. That's it. Zoe is on my most wanted list. Off with her fucking head.
Casey moves over and rummages on the shelf, pulling out a book that thankfully only has about twenty pages. She holds up her drink bottle to me, and I shake my head. Definitely not drinking from that after she slurped on it.
“For your throat, so you can read,” she says, and I hear Everly snicker. She is sorely mistaken if she thinks she’s getting out of it or will be by the time I’m done with her.
No amount of willpower could stop the gagging cough as I squirt the tiniest amount of her water in my mouth. The time it takes for me to swallow it and not run for the bathroom and sanitize my mouth is the longest few seconds of my life. It’s like forcing myself to swallow a golf ball.
“You can have some more; I don't mind sharing,” Casey chirps. Does she not know whose father I am? Does she not see that he gets his strange behaviors from me? Casey insists on me drinking some more of her backwash drink bottle, and I gag. The water tastes slimy. It shouldn't taste slimy. Why is it slimy!
That was definitely spit, and I think… a piece of cookie. I look at the drink bottle and the tiny hole at the top before looking down at Casey. How? I want answers on how she could get a cookie in her drink bottle. It makes no sense, yet I just swallowed it.
Casey, now happy my non-existent thirst is quenched, hands me her book. I’m going to hunt down the author, or director, or whoever invented prancing trolls, and murder them. They deserve death. I understand Valarian's hate for the movie, show, whatever the heck it is.
The girl is obsessed. And I don't mean slightly; I am pretty certain Casey is their number one fan. They should be giving her freebies at this point. She’s a walking, talking promotion for them. Even the hair ties in her braided hair have Princess Poppy on them. I settle next to her, reading it to her. I try to skim a few lines to hurry it up.
But she catches me! She is obsessed. I don't know why she needed me to read it. She knows it word for word and could probably recite it backward. After the fifth read-through, she finally passes out, and I make a quick dash for the bathroom and chug down half a bottle of mouthwash before brushing my teeth and finishing the other half of the mouth wash. I needed to cleanse my insides of the bacteria I’ve just ingested. I shiver at the thought of the germs in that bottle.
