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“No! I'm fine,” I gasp before sweat starts beading on my forehead. I feel a draft hit me and cold air sweeps into the room.Please don't last long; please stop. I beg the Moon Goddess to make it go away.
How am I expected to handle this for the rest of my life? Will it always be this bad? I start sobbing, big fat tears rolling down my cheeks. I hate that Zoe will have to see me this way, hate that he makes me feel this, hate him for what he's made me endure nearly every night on some level—but this is worse because I know he is actually having sex this time, not just fooling around. He's with another woman, and that woman isn’t me. Why do I have to be punished for his actions?
Warm hands rub up and down my arms before Valarie's scent wafts to me. The pain grows worse with each second that goes past, making me scream. How did Valarie survive this shit for decades?
“I know sweetie. Just breathe, Everly,” Valarie tells me, and I try to focus on her voice to distract myself from the intense pain.
“I think we should call an ambulance. Her pain is worse this time. What if something is seriously wrong with her?” Zoe asks Valarie.
“She'll be fine; it'll be over soon.”
“What will be over soon?” Zoe stutters, and I can hear the concern in her voice as I writhe in pain.
“The mate bond; he's with someone and it's causing her pain,” Valarie explains to her. I would usually be mad if anyone else spilled my secrets without asking, but I can't be mad at Valarie after everything she's done to help us.
“She met her mate?” Zoe says, her voice soft as a murmur.
“Who do you think Valarian's father is? He's her mate.”
“But why is she a rogue whore then? Why would he do that?” Zoe says, and I see her cringe over the word we all hate so much. I blink back tears, nausea bubbling in my stomach.
“She didn't know when she fell pregnant, and I'm afraid her parents would hate her more if they knew who the father is,” Valarie explains.
Valarie and I have no secrets; she knows everything now. I trust her more than anyone. She's become like a mother to me. She supported us through everything, and she never turned me away in the two months I've been here. I'm closer to her than I ever was with my own mother.
“Breathe, Everly, deep breaths, and try to sit up for me,” Valarie says. I groan, and she helps me up. She hands me my bottle of water off the nightstand, cracking the lid for me before thrusting pills in my hands.
“They'll take the edge off,” she tells me, and I rock back and forth. My hands are shaking and I spill water all over me. Zoe grabs the bottle from my hands, and I shove the pills in my mouth, not even questioning what they are. I trust Valarie with my life. Zoe brings the bottle to my lips and I sip it, swallowing the pills down. Tears brim in her eyes as she looks at me sadly.
“Go find a hot water bottle; there should be one under my kitchen sink,” Valarie tells Zoe, and she darts out of the room.
“I can't do this. I can't keep living like this,” I cry to Valarie.
“I wish I could take it from you, sweetie, I do. I know how hard it is, but you'll get through this, you've gotten through so much by yourself already. Just remember who you are, you're better than him, better than what he makes you feel,” Valarie says softly.
“I wouldn't be where I am without you,” I tell her.
“The Moon Goddess brought us together for a reason. She won't let history repeat itself; you'll find happiness, Everly. She won't turn her back on you too,” Valarie says. I find her words strange but can't make sense of much as another wave of crippling pain washes over me.
Zoe returns with a hot water bottle and places it on my stomach. The pain eases off again and I pray it stays away.Please be finished, please be done,I pray, sucking in a deep breath.
* * *
The following day, I wake up later than usual; Zoe and Valarie let me sleep in after last night. Sitting up, I spot Zoe sitting on the floor on the rug with Valarian and Casey, her daughter. She has one in the crook of each arm while she feeds them bottles one-handed.
“Tandem feeding,” I chuckle, and she nods, looking up at me before smiling sadly.
“Why didn't you tell me? It makes so much sense now,” she says.
“I didn't want to talk about it; I don't like talking about his father. He didn't recognize me and tossed me away,” I tell her, feeling pain at the very memory. I tried going back to tell him a couple of weeks ago—Valarie told me to try to speak with him again—but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just kept remembering the look on his face.
The way he'd screamed at me, combined with Valarie's story, scared me even more. What if he tried to take Valarian from me like her mate did to her? I have no title anymore, and my wolf is pathetically weak and so small compared to what I should be. I'm a rogue; hardly Luna material now.
Valarie said the longer she went without her mate, the harder it became to shift until she no longer could. Being rogue also doesn’t help, it makes us weaker prey and easy pickings to rob and attack.
I don't know how she's endured this torture for years. One day, I finally saw the man she called her mate. I never caught a glimpse of his face, but last week I saw his BMW pull up and watched him sneak into the office with his own key. Then the next morning, I watched him leave again. I hated what he did to her; I saw her heart break as he left again, and for three days afterward, she could barely get out of bed. She was depressed, and the only thing that worked was me asking her to help with Valarian.
I refuse to become some side piece; I would rather die than live the torment Valarie does. I love her, but I now understand why she couldn't maintain this place. His sporadic popping in and out of her life affected her more profoundly than she was willing to admit. Each time though, I noticed she grew weaker. Each time he left, her mind became fragile for days afterward. She even suffered nose bleeds and tremors. It was almost like watching someone suffer from withdrawals.
