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“Valen,” she growls, which sounds more like a purr than any threat.
“No. You aren't leaving my apartment until you mark me. Stop being stubborn. I know I fucked up but don't let me be the reason you die. Think of Valarian. Hate me, but fucking me mark me—DON’T KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE OF ME!” I scream at her before shoving my aura over her. I use a little too much and she cowers away from me, making my heart twist painfully in my chest.
I drop IT before resting my head on her shoulder. My breathing is heavy, along with my anger. However, it Isn't aimed at her, but at myself.
“Just take me home.”
“You want me to beg? I will fucking beg,” I tell her before dropping to my knees. I don't care how stupid it is; I’ll do it. Whatever she asks, I will do it.
“Please, if not for yourself, do it for Valarian—don't leave him because of me; don't do that to our son,” I plead before it becomes too much.
I couldn't live with the guilt if I killed her. I couldn't. I bury my face in my hands, utterly ashamed of what I’ve put her through. I did this. I did this to her. I made her hate me. I ruined our bond. I can't remember the last time I cried, but this news is gut-wrenching. I can't take it, knowing I did this. The guilt weighs too heavily, and I know I would never be able to live with myself if she died because of me.
I feel her fingers brush through my hair, making me glance up to see her eyes brimming with tears.
“For Valarian,” she whispers, and I nod.
“Please,” I tell her, gripping her legs, and she nods before looking away.
ChapterForty-Five
Everly
I wasn't expecting the answer I received from the doctor; I wasn't even aware the bond could be damaged. Sure, I was used to the pain, but to know he hurt our bond? Nothing about the bond felt weaker to me. I still feel for Valen despite not wanting to—still crave him despite hating everything about him. I just want to go home and snuggle my son, smell his scent, and let him soothe my racing mind.
Yet, the way Valen is looking at me, I can see his fear clearly etched onto his face; can see how much the doctor's words scared him as he presses his face into my neck. Valen finally understands the weight of his actions, and I can tell the burden is heavy for him to carry. His grip on my arms is tight, like he thinks I’m about to drop dead before his eyes. My heart twists painfully in my chest with the way his voice cracks as he speaks.
“You want me to beg? I will fucking beg,” Valen tells me before dropping to his knees. He clutches my legs, and if the wall wasn't behind me, I would have toppled over. I can feel his warm breath caress the skin under my blouse where it rode up. I feel the shake of his shoulders—he’s falling apart. I know I shouldn't feel bad for him after everything he’s done, and maybe it’s the bond, but the way he’s speaking tells me he knows the pain of losing a mother even if he didn't know her. I wonder what sort of man he would be if she raised him. Would he be the mate I needed him to be, the father he needed to be for our son?
Most of all, I wonder if I can ever forgive him, even if it’s only for Valarian.
“Please, if not for yourself, do it for Valarian—don't leave him because of me; don't do that to our son,” he chokes out, and before I can stop myself, I run my fingers through his hair, wanting to soothe the agony I can hear bleeding into his voice.
“For Valarian,” I whisper, the words not sounding my own as I think of my son—the person in this world that holds all my broken pieces together, the child I carried to term, the child I raised and loved from birth. The one person who loves me back.
“Please,” Valen begs, and I glance down at him to see him staring up at me. I tear my gaze away. I promised myself I could do it on my own, and I feel like doing this means I’m giving in, tossing away everything I worked so hard for. But I won't toss my life away; I can’t bear the thought of Valarian being in this world alone without me.
“Everly?” Valen whispers, and I look down at the man on his knees, hanging onto me like he can somehow put me back together if he squeezes hard enough. I watch his eyes brim with tears, and my hand moves from his hair to cup his face on instinct. His stubble is rough against my palm, and I brush away a stray tear when he blinks and it spills over.
“I'll do anything, but don't make him grow up without a mom,” Valen whispers. His lip quivers as he leans into my hand before kissing my palm—sparks dance across it. I bite my lip and look away from the broken man before me.
“I mark you, that doesn't mean you own me, and you don't force my hand,” I say.
“I promise,” he says, pulling away. I snort, my own tears spilling when I look back down and he’s holding out his pinky.
“I'll even pinky promise.”
“You know you can't break one of those? They’re sacred,” I chuckle. He nods before standing, and I look up at him.
“You won't use your Alpha voice on me? You won't mark me unless I let you?” I ask him, but he shakes his head.
“I won't promise to not mark you; I won't watch you wither away because you’re too stubborn; I won't let you get to that point, Everly, so don't ask me to promise you that. Ask for anything else but that.”
“But if I mark you, you can just turn around and do the same,” I tell him.
“I won't. I won’t promise never to do it, but I can promise you not today, though?” he asks, and I sigh. He holds his pinky up and wiggles it, and I roll my eyes.
“I promise to make it up to you; I promise to not use my Alpha voice on you anymore if you promise to mark me before we leave this apartment.”
