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“I know.” I look down at the ground finding it hard to breathe. “I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” He scoffs at me. “You hooked up with my best friend and didn’t even have the nerve to tell me! How can I trust you if you deliberately lie to me?”
I can no longer hold back the tears as they escape one by one down my cheek. But wait …what did he say? I realize from his words that he doesn’t actually know what happened between Brian and me. He doesn’t grasp at all what happened to me that night or what has caused me to have nightmares for so many sleepless nights. He onlythinkshe knows. But maybe if I could just explain everything to him as I should have so long ago, he would understand. “It’s … it’s not what you think, Nathan,” I manage to say through sobs.
“Then tell me, Natalie! Tell me right fucking now because this is not how I planned on spending my birthday,” he roars.
I look around to see even more sneering faces. I have become a source of entertainment for everyone at this party. My body is telling me to run, but my feet feel super-glued to the floor.
“Not here,” I whisper, not even sure Nathan can hear me.
“I don’t believe this.” Nathan turns around, no longer facing me. And I can feel an invisible weight lift from my body, but it immediately returns as he turns back around. “You even told me you were a virgin. And I stupidly believed you.” He stares at me coldly, and from the corner of my eye, I see Paul look down at the ground, knowing that his friend has just crossed a line.
And just like that, my heart sinks like the Titanic — fast and violently grim — to the very bottom of a deep abyss. Before I have time to notice the new stares coming my way, I run. And don’t look back.
The cold air whips across my exposed skin as I make my way to the end of the road, wishing I hadn’t left my coat at home. My pace slows as I walk for another five minutes, thankful that no one drives by me to witness the mess that I am.
Deep breaths, Natalie. You’re almost home.
But as I turn onto my street, feeling relief at the sight of my house, I’m pulled forcefully from behind and shoved painfully to the ground.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” I hear the snarl and look up to find Brian leering down at me. An unrecognizablemonster. One of his eyes is practically swollen shut. Patches of black and blue skin surround it. Dry blood trails down his face, and his bottom lip is split down the middle. His only good eye is bloodshot, telling me he’s intoxicated or on something. Or both.
“Br-Brian,” I stutter, barely able to breathe.
“Aww, are you scared, Natalie?” He reveals an evil smile. “You should be.”
I try to crawl away from him. My fingers dig into the dirt beneath me, but he keeps stepping closer.
“Brian, please … please stop. You don’t need to do this,” I beg with tears streaming down my face.
“Oh, Natalie. We wouldn’t have a problem if you had just kept your fucking mouth shut.” He shakes his head from side to side as if disappointed in me.
“I di-didn’t say anything. I swear.”
“Oh really? That’s funny because Nathan’s fist to my face tonight tells me otherwise.” He brings his hand up to his head and wipes away the dry blood.
“I promise. I promise I didn’t say anything,” I plead, knowing my words mean nothing.
Brian starts laughing, like really laughing. And I’m scared out of my mind. “I don’t understand. All you had to do last year was let me fuck you. But instead, you made everything into a bigger deal than it needed to be. You denied me. And no one denies me, Natalie. Especially not you. An entitled bitch with a stick up her ass.”
Sobs take over me. There’s no reasoning with him. I know this all too well.
“Why?” he asks.
“Wh-why what?” A crunching noise, almost like someone walking on leaves, catches my attention, causing me to look around, hoping to spot anyone for help, but we’re alone.
“Why, Nate?” He looks menacingly into my eyes.
And it hits me. Brian is jealous of Nathan. He doesn’t understand why I chose Nathan over him. It is all finally making sense. Nathan has what Brian wants and will never be able to have.Me.
“Why?” he bellows.
“Because it’s always been him,” I choke out my confession, staring right back at him, unwavering.
He looks up at the night sky. “It could have been me.”
“No,” I say sternly. “No, it couldn’t have been because you are nothing like him. And no matter how hard you try, you will never be like him.”
