Page 35 of Before I Tell You


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I woke up yesterday morning feeling like I was on cloud nine for the first time in my life. But after dropping Natalie off at her house, my mood severely shifted after spending all afternoon with Nick looking forhim…

The man who was the reason why I needed to come home this weekend.

The man who has continuously ruined my life.

The man who has always brought out the worst in me.

I can feel my body tense just thinking about this fact and immediately begin to take some deep breaths. Slowly in and out. My hand, which now has a fistful of the pillow beside me, gradually opens, but I can still feel my pulse intensifying with each passing second.

I hate how much control this man has over me.

Don’t let him win. Think of Natalie.

And that’s all it takes for me to clear my head and gradually calm down.

Last night at the tavern, I had never seen Natalie radiate so much confidence. She laughed, smiled, and flirted with me like no one else was in the bar but us. Of course, I saw every look she was getting from the random creeps who were probably at least twice her age, and yes, I wanted to punch each and every one of them on the spot for even daring to look at Natalie, but the only guy she was looking at, the whole night, was me.

And everything had been going really well. That is until she disappeared.

A small part of me knew it wasn’t the alcohol that made her leave so quickly. Instead, someone or something in that bar was why she ran out of there. I was sure of it, but I just couldn’t figure out what or who it was.

I had told Brian I would be right back before searching for her throughout the entire bar, and after a few minutes with no luck, I went outside to the parking lot. It only took a minute before I heard someone quietly making sounds of distress.

And after moving in that direction, I found her, halfway outside of her brother’s car. The poor thing had her head between her legs, and I could see her body trembling as I approached.

She was so light when I picked her up and put her on my lap that I had to remind myself to be extra gentle. I rubbed her back in circular motions, the way my mom used to rub mine when I wasn’t feeling well. Her body continued to shiver under my touch until she finally fell asleep.

Did she remember what I had said to her?

Probably not.

I wouldn’t remember anything with that amount of alcohol in my system either.

I had never just straight up told someone I liked them before, but the words practically jumped from my lips before I could stop them. A part of me also knew she might not remember anything, which made it less daunting to say the words out loud. She didn’t say anything back to me, but that was no surprise as she could barely utter two syllables at that point.

Realizing she probably wouldn’t remember our conversation, I took the opportunity to see if I could find out why she and Vanessa were no longer friends. For some reason, it was really bothering me. Those two used to be inseparable, and something serious had to have happened to cause such a rift between them.

But her response to my question took me by surprise.

“Because of him … and that night. The snow was so cold.”

My stomach clenches because her words had confirmed that something did happenthatnight.

Something bad.

Her words replay in my head, bringing an unpleasant and unwelcomed memory to my mind. A memory I had tried so hard to forget.

Thatnight.

An image of Natalie leaning lifeless against a solid tree invades my mind. I grasp my head hard, trying to make it stop, but it’s no use.

It was the night of the Halloween party last year at the Gordons’ house. Or, more accurately, my birthday night, which, for many years now, Brian had used as an excuse to hold an all-out Halloween rager.

I feel like I am about to heave as the memory unfolds.

Natalie was running so fast.

I chased after her, knowing something wasn’t right. But the frost had made the roads slick, and I came close to having a complete wipeout a couple of times, so I stopped.

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