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It was fear.Goddamn fear.
My body began seething as I finally noticed Connor standing uncomfortably close to her. Most people probably viewed him as the school’s hero, being the captain of the football team and all, but from the moment I met the guy at a party a few weeks back, I didn’t like him. Call it intuition or simply a gut feeling. Or maybe it was just from hearing the way he talked about the girls he, in his own words,fucked senseless. I knew something wasn’t right in the head with him.
And the second this asshole put his hand on Natalie’s arm, I lost it and tackled him to the ground before he even had a chance to blink. God, I really hope I did give that guy a broken nose. He deserved it.
Just thinking about that asshole gets my blood boiling all over again. Think of something else. Anything else.
Natalie.
I told Natalie something I had never told anyone before. I told her about my father.Fuck, I hated calling him that. That man would never be more than someone I was related to by blood. And even that was too much for me to grasp.
Did she think differently about me after I told her everything?
She only looked at me with empathy the whole time I talked, never saying a word. The tears that ran down her cheeks caused an unpleasant heaviness in my heart. I didn’t want to make her cry. I just didn’t want there to be any secrets between us anymore. I wanted to feel closer to her and just having her there listening to every word I spoke meant more to me than she would ever know.
I never even had the nerve to tell my best friend, Brian, about those parts of my life.
Brian.My best friend.
The thought of Brian has made me feel uneasy lately because something still feels off with that whole thing.
Even I couldn’t deny that Brian had his asshole moments, and there were more than a few, but did that mean he was capable of a moment that included possibly hurting Natalie? The girl who spent the majority of her life playing one of the four pieces to our old friend group. It was too much for my head to comprehend.
And I don’t think Natalie would lie to me, but maybe she would if she felt she had to. Maybe she was lying to me because something did happen between her and Brian, but it was … consensual? And now things are awkward between them? But wouldn’t Brian tell me if they hooked up? I mean, unlike me, who hates talking about that stuff with other people, Brian is one of the biggest talkers I know. He would tell anyone within a mile radius about who he had just had the pleasure of hooking up with. It was like some weird high he got. Some secret pleasure. Not the actual sex part, but the part about telling people about the sex. He could never keep it to himself. In fact, one time, he was still in bed with a girl when he texted me to let me know. It was fucked up.
But Natalie and Brian?
Picturing the two of them together, on top of an abundance of questions circulating in my head, creates an instant wave of nausea.
Fuck. I really don’t want to think about this right now.
I turn to my other side, hoping to stop this thought in its tracks with something more pleasant, and it works. Because now I’m facing a framed picture of Natalie on her nightstand. In the photo, she’s standing with her brother who completely towers over her. I assume, from the cap and gown she is wearing, that it was the day of her high school graduation. But, besides the cap and gown, she is wearing the most heartwarming, beautiful smile.
Looking at Natalie’s delicate pink lips makes me instantly think about the kiss we shared hours ago while sitting on the stone wall. And it was a good kiss. No, it was aperfectkiss. Exactly like every single one of our kisses has been.
At that moment, I needed her more than I had ever needed anything in my life. I needed to feel her in my hands. I needed to taste her on my lips. And above all, I needed her to need me.
Because after telling her about my father, a wave of vulnerability had swept over me. It was definitely not a pleasant feeling nor one I was entirely used to, but being consumed by Natalie with her lips, hands, and body certainly made the uneasiness wash away.
Then she pushed away from me. She stood in front of me, trying to find the courage to tell me something. Her breathing quickened and her hands began to shake. And from noticing how difficult it was for her to keep her eyes locked with mine, I had a pretty good feeling it had to do withthatnight.
Was she going to tell me what had been bothering her? Did she only want to tell me after everything I had just told her?
I hoped that wasn’t why.
It was stupid of me to keep prying into something she clearly wasn’t comfortable with sharing, and because of that, I have made up my mind. I’m going to drop the subject. It isn’t my business, and the last thing she needs is me being an asshole and pestering her with questions. She needs someone she can trust. Someone who can take care of her and, most importantly, someone she can feel safe with. And I plan on proving to her that that guy is me.
Natalie will tell me what is bothering her when she’s ready. And when she does, I will be there for her however she needs me to be.
But if she doesn’t want to tell me, well, I can live with that. Right?
And if not … I’ll just ask Brian.
Nineteen
NATALIE
A SOUND VERY SIMILAR to that of an angry grizzly bear wakes me up with a jolt, and I realize that the noise is, in fact, not a bear but my brother Jason who is snoring loudly beside me.
