Page 65 of Before I Tell You


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I recognize it immediately. It’s an old photo album my mom put together when Nick and I were kids. A thick layer of dust covers the binding, clearly showing it hasn’t been held by anyone in years. I wipe it off and turn to the first page where there’s a picture of Nick and me from when we were toddlers.

My fingers flip the pages leisurely, and I notice an unrecognizable man in almost every photo. It takes me a second to realize who he is.

It’s my father.

But the man in these pictures is not the same coward I know today.

Instead of an unkept beard, he has a clean-shaven face and a fresh haircut. Instead of wearing baggy and tattered clothes, he has on a pair of fitted pants and a polo shirt. His eyes are bright and joyful; there’s no hint of the dark sunken bags he has under them now. He looks young and happy. I don’t know the man in these photos, and it makes me depressed when I think about how drastically he has changed over the years.

I close the book and toss it on the couch beside me then lean back and close my eyes, waiting for the anger that is beginning to build up inside me again to subside. My mom had probably put this book together before everything changed.

Before he had changed.

A soft buzzing noise causes me to open my eyes in alarm, and I realize my phone is still under the couch. I pick it up and see I have a new text from Natalie.

Natalie: Hi.

Me: Hey, how are you? How is your dad?

Natalie: He’s ok. They’re keeping him for at least another night or two for observation and my mom is staying with him. Can you come over tonight around 7?

Me: Yes. Of course. Is everything ok?

Natalie: Yes. I just don’t feel like being alone tonight.

Me: Ok, don’t worry. I’ll be there. See you beautiful.

Just hearing from Natalie makes me feel better. Something about her causes my mind to forget about everything else that’s going wrong.

I run upstairs to shower and then find a fresh pair of clothes to change into before leaving. Unsure if Natalie will be hungry, I stop to pick up a pizza on the way to her house, figuring it's a safe choice.

At seven, I pull into her driveway, walk up to the door with the pizza box in my hand, and ring the doorbell. Anticipation builds in my stomach.

How is it possible that I already miss her?

I’m looking forward to a nice cuddle on the couch tonight. Holding her in my arms. Maybe even the chance to taste a little more than just her lips. Now that would be a great way to end the night.

But no sex.

Not tonight.

I can wait.

When Natalie wants to have sex, we will have sex. That’s for damn sure.

But that night is not tonight.

I look at my phone and see that a couple of minutes have passed and immediately worry, so I ring the doorbell again.

Just as I’m about to call her, the door slowly opens, and Natalie pokes her head from around the side.

Damn, that gorgeous smile could make me do anything for her.

Anything.

“Hi, beautiful. I didn’t know if you would be hungry or not, so I picked up a pizza for us.” She holds the door open, so I walk in past her and hear her shut the door gently behind me. But when I turn around, I nearly drop the pizza box on the floor.

Natalie is leaning against the front door and wearing the sexiest fucking pink piece of lingerie I have ever seen.

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