Page 76 of Before I Tell You


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I don’t mean to sound pathetic, but I’m very tipsy in a bar with people I don’t know and would much rather be with Nathan, who I’m sure is having a good time doing whatever it is he is doing.

Whatever it is he is doing … oh God.

Images of Nathan with other girls at previous parties pop into my head. Girls were always throwing themselves at him. Beautiful, skinny, flawless girls who looked like models. Girls who were confident and knew how to flirt like professionals. Girls who Nathan would have no problem flirting right back with. I watched it happen so many times before.

So why would tonight be any different? My stomach twists at this thought, giving me an overwhelming and unpleasant feeling.

“Boyfriend trouble?” I hear Kyle ask me.

I look to my right and realize Sarah and John are pretty preoccupied with each other, leaving Kyle and me to fend for ourselves.

“No, it’s nothing.” I smile and shrug my shoulders.

“You know, if my girlfriend looked like you, I’d never let her out of my sight,” he says before taking another sip of his drink. I’m pretty positive that the beer in his hand, plus the other four beers he just drank, are giving him the courage to speak his mind now.

“Oh …” I take a sip from my fourth drink. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Me? No.” He shakes his head adamantly, laughing at my question. “I don’t do that. I’m more into … well, let’s just say the opposite of relationships.”

“I see.” I look down at the drink in my hand, unsure what to say or do.

“So, should I be worried your boyfriend will show up here any second?”

“Oh, no.” I shake my head but stop when a dizzy feeling spreads through me. “Well, to be honest, he’s not my boyfriend. I actually don’t know what we are.”

Why did I just tell him that?

“Oh, so you’re like fuck buddies or something?” he asks casually. “That’s cool. We could do that too if you want.” He looks me up and down like he is seeing me for the first time. “Someone like you shouldn’t be tied down to just one guy, and I don’t mind sharing, especially if it’s you.”

Ok, this just got really weird really fast. “Excuse me. I’ll be right back.”

I jump off my seat, feeling the effects of the alcohol the second I land on the ground. The bar is spinning more than it should be, but somehow, I make my way to the restroom located all the way in the back of the bar. I push open the door, thankful that no one is in here, and lock it behind me as I lean back and slide down the length of the door, taking deep breaths. After a few minutes of practicing my breathing until the nausea feeling subsides, I stand up and place both of my hands firmly on the edge of the sink, waiting for my equilibrium to return.

Why hasn’t Nathan texted me back? I know he told me not to worry, but how can I not when I don’t even know where we stand with each other?

Thoughts of another girl being with Nathan start to torture me. I pull out my phone and call him, hoping to hear his calming voice, but it goes straight to voicemail. My eyes begin to water as my stomach clenches from the thought of what he might be doing. Every breath I take is a struggle since my lungs refuse to do their job.

I’m drowning.

And suddenly, I’m flying to the toilet, gripping the seat for dear life as every drink from tonight betrays me.

This is not how I saw the evening going.

Fuck anxiety.

After nothing is left in my stomach but regret, I’m turning on the sink to splash my arms with cold water when someone begins to pound on the door.

“Natalie? It’s Sarah!”

I open it to find a very concerned Sarah standing in front of me. “What did that asshole say to you?” she demands with her hands on her hips, looking like she is ready to go back and wallop him in the face on my behalf.

I knew I liked her.

“It doesn’t matter. I started to get the spins, so I needed some space.”

“Well, I know what will make you feel better. There’s a dance club a few blocks from here. They have the best late-night snacks to soak up all the alcohol in your stomach, and they play the best music.”

“I don’t know …” I start to say, not really sure if I can handle much more excitement tonight.

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