Page 83 of Before I Tell You


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And I have to admit, we look pretty damn good together.

He spins me around so I’m now facing him and looks into my eyes. “Did you have a good time last night?”

“Actually, yes, I did. Sarah and I went to some bar down the street, which wasn’t so great, but then we spent the rest of the night dancing at a small club. It was a lot of fun. I have the sore feet to prove it.” I laugh, remembering how Sarah ended up losing her shoes at some point in the evening.

“I bet you looked so sexy on the dance floor.” He starts tracing my jawline with his finger, making my insides go crazy.

“Did you have a good time?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Yeah, it was … interesting. But overall, a good night. I miss going to school there.” He shrugs.

Knowing the circumstances of why he doesn’t go to school there anymore, my heart breaks for him.

“But I have a question for you.” He runs one of his hands through his hair and scrunches his face. It looks like he is internally fighting with himself about something.

“Yes?”

“And I promise this is the last time I will ask you this, but are you sure nothing ever happened between you and Brian?” His eyes stare directly into mine, waiting for an answer. My body goes numb, and I pray to the gods that he can’t hear my thoughts.

Did Brian say something to him? Does Nathan already know about that night? But if he doesn’t know, I can’t tell him now, not when we will be spending the night with his mom and brother.

I need to lie.

At least for right now.

I’ll tell him later. I will.

“No,” leaves my mouth faster than I can comprehend. Standing perfectly still, I do everything in my power to show no emotion on my face.

“Ok,” he says, now looking off at something. “I believe you. It’s just … I don’t know. He seemed weird when I brought you up. I thought maybe you two … well, actually, I don’t know what I thought.”

“You brought me up?” I ask, tilting my head in confusion.

“Oh, well,” he starts to say, “ok, I’ll be honest. Honesty is good.” He looks down at me again, making me nervous. “So, there was this girl at the party who,” he rubs his chin before continuing, “well, we used to hang out.” His pause after the words “hang out” tells me it was more than just hanging out. “Anyways, she tried to get me to sleep with her last night, and I declined. I told her I was seeing someone, and that’s when Brian overheard what I said and wanted to know who I was seeing.” He shrugs and waits for my response.

My lips are on his within seconds. I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him hard, pulling him into me. Nathan follows my lead and matches my movements but then suddenly pulls away.

“Wait, I’m confused. You’re happy that some girl I used to sleep with wanted to sleep with me last night?”

I start giggling. “No, that part I’m not so happy about.” I bring my hands up to his cheeks, cupping his face in my hands. “I don’t care about your past and how many girls you may have slept with. Well, I care a little, but that’s not the point. I’m happy that you said no, and I’m happy that you told people you were seeing someone … whatever that may mean.”

“What do you want it to mean?” he asks.

“I umm, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter,” I say and look away nervously.

“Yes, it does. Tell me what you want.” His voice is almost a whisper, and his hand on my waist pulls me in closer.

“I want …” I’m trying to find the courage to say it out loud. All I can hear is Kyle’s voice in my head saying “fuck buddies”over and over again. It really bothered me because I started to convince myself that this was all Nathan and I are with each other, and I don’t want that to be true. “I want us to be … exclusive. Not to be seeing other people. Well, what I mean is I want us to be in a relationship. But only if that’s what you want too.”

I get the words out of my mouth and instantly feel like a slight weight has lifted, but at the same time, I’m now worried about Nathan’s reaction. Maybe this is not what he had in mind.

“I want that too,” he whispers.

My face lights up. “You do?”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” he says. “It bothers me to think about you being with someone else when I only want you to be with me.” He starts playing with a strand of my hair in a nervous gesture. “Call me selfish, but I don’t want to share.” He moves his hand to my cheek and rubs his thumb back and forth over it. “I like you, Natalie. I really fucking like you.”

I can’t help but smile at these words. We’re finally getting these feelings we’ve had for each other for years out in the open. “I really fucking like you too.”

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