Page 90 of Before I Tell You


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“I’m sorry that I hadn’t mentioned my birthday plans. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, I just never really looked at birthdays as a big deal, so I forgot about it until my mom mentioned it. I didn’t even find out until last night that Brian and Tim had been planning something.” He stares into my eyes, waiting for me to say something, but the mention of Brian creates an instant panic that I try to conceal by closing my eyes and turning my face to the side. “And I don’t know. After what happened last year …” he pauses like he doesn’t know how to finish his thought.

What does he mean byafter what happened last year?

My eyes open in a panic.

Can he hear my heart pounding?

“I mean, well, I can tell it upset you earlier, and that wasn’t my intention at all. So I’m sorry about that.” He kisses the tip of my nose.

My subconscious screams at me to tell him the truth, but my mouth won’t open. Why won’t my mouth open?

“I almost forgot, was there something you wanted to talk to me about before I pulled a Tarzan and Jane on you?” he jokes.

Tell him, Natalie!

But I can’t.

Oh God, I can’t.

“It … it was nothing. I don’t actually remember anyways.” Why is this so hard for me? Why can’t I just tell him?

It’s anxiety holding me back, bounding me to silence.

Nathan begins to gently nibble at my neck. “Am I getting your pulse racing, baby?” I shake my head up and down, unable to tell him the real reason why my heartbeat is accelerating.

“So, there is one last thing I want to ask you.” He looks down at me with a slight blush on his cheeks. “Would you be my date for the party?”

“Really?”

“Only if you want to go. If you don’t want to go, I’m totally fine spending my birthday with you, curled up on the couch, watching a movie. Maybe get some pizza. End the night with you just like this because it’s impossible for me to keep my hands off you.” His eyes graze my entire body before locking with mine, starting an immediate ache between my legs as his tongue slides out over his bottom lip. “As long as I’m with you, I don’t care where or how I spend my birthday.”

Is it possible for a heart to stop working at eighteen? Because between the anxiety-induced heart rate, the throbbing between my legs, and the sappy heart flutters, I don’t know how much more it can handle.

“I would love to go with you.” I smile at him. “But now I have a question for you.”

“Yes, beautiful?”

“What do you want for your birthday?”

“Hmm …” He looks like he is mulling something over when suddenly he presses his hips firmly against mine, allowing me to feel his hard length. Then, while still pinning my hands above my head, he moves his lips next to my ear and whispers, “You.”

* * *

It’s the night before Nathan’s birthday.

The night before the night that changed my life.

The night that Nathan still does not know about.

Ugh, I know. Trust me, I know.

Nathan and I pull into the driveway of my family’s home, ready to get the weekend started. I called my mom a few nights ago to let her know we would be spending the weekend here, and she couldn’t have been more excited. It made sense for us to stay at my house, seeing that Nathan’s aunt and uncle live nearby, which is where he will have his birthday dinner. And Tim lives only a few blocks from my parents’ house, where Nathan’s party will be. Our plan is that Nathan will go to his birthday dinner without me so that I can spend some time with my family, and then the two of us will meet at Tim’s house.

And as long as Brian isn’t there, I’m sure everything will be fine.I hope.

Nathan shuts the car off, and I turn to look out the window, noticing how gorgeously decorated the house is for Halloween. It is my mom’s favorite holiday after all, so I’m not the least bit surprised to see cobwebs covering every window, carved pumpkins lining the porch, and inflatable ghosts scattered all over the front yard.

I’m happy to be home to see my family. My mom told me that my dad has been doing well, which is wonderful. Still, I can’t help feeling nervous about bringing Nathan to an official family dinner. Probably because this will be the first time I have ever brought a guy over to meet my parents. Cue the avalanche of anxiety trying to make its way to the surface.

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